Squirrel Cage Read Online Free PDF Page B

two?” she asked.
    “Sit yourself down” said Jim as he deftly stood and pulled a chair out for her. Undoubtedly, she was very surprised at his response.
    “Jim and Cindi, I just wanted to tell you both that this was the best group we’ve had. I know that everyone else was uncomfortable but I really liked what you both said. Cindi and Jim, I wa nt to be your friend too.”
    “Well I’ll be dashed,” said Jim.
    I looked at him wryly and queried “Dashed Jim? Are you cleaning up your language?”
    “Hell no, its just something I saw in a movie,” he replied jokingly.
    “I will be honored to be your friend , Jane.” I said.
    “Are we going to have lunch together?” asked Jane.
    “By all means young lady , ” Jim responded.
    With that Jane left and started talking to the other members in the common. Big Brother was taking notes again.
    As we sat at the table enjoying our lunch, I took special note that Andrea was absent. I felt sad that my new frie nd tore herself away from me. S quirrel started spinning up her cage in my mind again as I lamented my latest loss.
    “Cindi,” Jane announced, “please tell us about yourself.”
    Someone else clamored for additional details. With that I told them about myself, that I was an engineer, the hobbies that I enjoyed, and all other trivia. Then the real questions came.
    “Have you had any surgery?”
    “Do you like men?”
    “Have you ever kissed a man?”
    “What does it feel like?”
    They flooded the room with the full gambit of questions. I answered them as best as I could. I did feel uncomfortable with this but I told them I wanted to answer all of their questions and concerns.
    Lunch extended well beyond 1:30 as we talked. One by one, each of us got up and went back to our respective rooms. I brushed my teeth and decided to see if I could catch some news on TV. I missed it again. “Oh so what” I said to myself. What’s going on in here is much more interesting. Sure it was hard and it was difficult, but I could feel that I was facing my demons and knocking them down one by one.
    I opened the door to let some fresh air in. Nurse Big Brother was frantically writing in her notepad. I could see Andrea in the opposite corner talking to Jane and one other woman from the group. I left my room and approached them to try to talk to Andrea. She politely excused herself and fled back to her cave.
    “Cindi, Andrea is very upset with you.” Jane said.
    “I know” I said sadly. “I’m so sorry that I hurt her,” I added.
    “It’s not your fault,” said the other woman. “I do not understand your problem either. That is something you taught me in group this morning. You don’t have to understand a problem , but you can feel compassion for someone. I’m finding out now, just since then, that I have new friends. We might not be friends for life but we are getting to know each other,” she said.
    “Hey, it’s almost time for afternoon group.” Jane interjected. I looked up at the wall clock. Where had the time gone?
    Andrea arrived and tried to find a chair where she couldn’t see me. S he searched in vain. With only eight chairs in a circle, there is no where to hide.
    “It’s nice that we are all here again.” The moderator said. “I’m very pleased that Andrea has decided to join us again,” she added.
    “It’s not like I want to be here” grumbled Andrea.
    We started sharing our problems and talking about them, just as we did earlier in the morning. But I did notice a distinct change from the morning session. Most expressed real interest and tried to connect with the other group members. Finally, the moderator asked Andrea to say her piece. And she unwillingly complied.
    “There is black evil in this room and it makes me very uncomfortable.” Andrea started. “I don’t know what you want me to say but I know I don’t want to be here. And that’s all I have to say.” She stared at me with her blue eyes piercing my very soul.
    “So what is