help us, do you? I mean, we
have to think of a way to straighten him out"
I thought of the end of our relationship, dates cancelled not by Devin but by his assistant, proclamations
that he would be settling if he stayed with me, and, of
course, Devin's infamous ways of "shielding" me from
the public. It was all too humiliating to share with anyone but Anna-and certainly not Michael. I feared
mockery. "Let me think about it," I evaded.
"Ugh" Michael sounded genuinely disgusted.
"What?"
"It's nothing."
"It doesn't sound like nothing." He attempted to tuck
the magazine away, but I hastily reached over and
snatched it out of his hand.
There Devin was, eyes half open, with his hand cupping a buttock of the April Playmate. I slid the magazine back to Michael.
"There's being a playboy, and then there's hanging
lecherously all over a Playmate" Michael shook his
head. "Creep"
For the next two hours, we urgently took notes on paper and on our laptops, attempting to put all our information together for a cohesive presentation. We agreed
not to make this a personal attack on Devin, which
went completely against my instinct.
"So, earlier today, you seemed pretty confident that
this was going to be a cakewalk. But I'm still curious to
know who you worked with in L.A." Please say Courtney Love. Please say Courtney Love.
"Ah, just the usuals. Derrik Train is a big one."
"Yeah, I don't much get into that whole scene, but he
does sound somewhat familiar."
"Derrik plays the main character on Long Beachyou know, a Dallas for the Gen-Xers? Anyway, he took
a joyride with a young woman who claimed to be a reporter for a college newspaper. He was driving pretty
fast, missed a curve, and wrapped the girl and the Mercedes around a telephone pole."
I gasped. "That's awful! What happened to the girl?"
And how did I miss this whole story when it happened?
That's why it's better to market products rather than
celebrities, I suppose. Or that may be what made
Michael such a great publicist-he made us all forget
that it ever occurred.
"Well, the good news is that they both walked away
without a scratch. The bad news was that the girl lied
about her age-she was a 14-year-old fan"
"And, of course, you had to swoop in and try to spin
Derrik's bad judgment?"
"Yeah, my boss really wanted me to play up that this
young teenage girl was a floozy and all but seduced
Derrik, but I just couldn't do that. I mean, she's just a
kid. Derrik should've known better."
"Wow, that's dicey," I said, shaking my head. "What
did you do?"
Michael shrugged. "I got on the phone with the
tabloids to tell them that it was one big misunderstanding. Derrik assumed she was older, he made a mistake,
nothing happened, Derrik was a perfect gentleman, police reports show there was no alcohol or drugs in his system, it was a dark road with a curve, he was actually
bringing the girl back home when he realized the mixup with the girl's age . . " Michael sighed through his
nose. "See why I needed to get out of L.A.?"
I cleared my throat. "Well, should we get back to
Devin? As far as I know, he hasn't done anything like
Derrik, but it sounds like we'll still be able to strongarm him tomorrow."
"Strong-arm him? Isn't that a wrestling move?"
Michael said wryly.
"Hey, I was raised in the Midwest. It's what I know."
"Guess I'm not surprised." He spoke with a hint of
condescension.
I opened my mouth to reply, but quickly shut it. What
did that mean, `Guess I'm not surprised'?
"Why so quiet?" he asked a little while later.
Yes, go ahead and insult me, and then wonder why
I'm not chatty. "I'm contemplating whether I should
use The Claw or The Hulk Hogan on you, that's all"
He set aside his laptop, clutching his gut from laughter. "You didn't think I was serious about the wrestling
comment, did you?"
"For starters, it's `rasslin,' not `wrestling."' I sheepishly joked back. "Sorry for getting a little saucy back
there. I just get a lot of
M. R. James, Darryl Jones