Spanking Shakespeare Read Online Free PDF Page A

president of the Dungeons & Dragons club, which puts him just slightly below me on the social food chain.
    “This is just for you, Eugene,” Mr. Parke replies. “So don’t hold back on any of those secret perversions.”
    The class laughs, and I join in, grateful that I am not the one they are laughing at.
    On my paper I write: CELESTE, GETTING LAID, GETTING INTO COLLEGE , SAT S, MEMOIR AWARD, PUBLIC HUMILIATION, MR. PARKE’S LEFT TESTICLE .
    “Now,” says Mr. Parke, “write for twenty minutes off the list you came up with and see where it takes you.”
    Eugene’s hand shoots up.
    “No, Eugene, you will not have to share, though I hope some people will volunteer.”
    I begin to write and, uncensored, the words come easily.

    Stanley Kaplan and The Princeton Review Offer SEX Preparation Classes
    After years of success offering SAT and other test-preparation courses, Stanley Kaplan and The Princeton Review have decided to expand their tutoring empires to prepare male teenagers for the new SEXs.
    SEX, which stands for S ex Ex am, comes at a time when an increasing number of teenage boys are finding they lack the necessary skills to get laid. “Something had to be done,” said Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy magazine and a strong supporter of the new testing program. “We’ve got a whole generation of young men growing up without the tools they need to be sexually productive members of our society.”
    The Sex Exam consists of two sections. The first—Getting Someone to Go to Bed with You—focuses on strategies that will make you more desirable. The second—Sexual Performance—focuses on maximizing both your and your partner’s pleasure during the act itself.
    Testing was scheduled to begin last year, but protests of sexual bias from the gay community convinced test makers and education officials that new tests needed to be developed. “We’re very conscious of political correctness,” said an education spokesman. “Students now have the option of taking a version of the exam that focuses specifically on gay sex.”
    Although the test is new, representatives from Stanley Kaplan and The Princeton Review are confident they can prepare anybody who takes their classes. “We’ll be teaching our courses in a revolutionary way,” said a spokesman for Stanley Kaplan. “Not only will students work their way through practice problems in our review books, they will also observe and discuss live simulations. We’re very excited about our program. I’ve got a hard-on just thinking about it.”

    “Any volunteers to share?” Mr. Parke asks.
    Rocco raises his hand.
    “Mr. Mackey,” Mr. Parke says with a smile. “Have you actually written something today, or are we to be treated to one of your fabulous drawings?”
    “Both,” Rocco says proudly.
    Rocco reads a few sentences about how much he loves football. Then he holds up his drawing, which shows a huge player in a uniform that says MACKEY crashing down on a cowering quarterback.
    Mr. Parke shakes his head. “Painful,” he says. “On so many levels.” Then, more brightly, “Any other volunteers?”
    Everybody looks at everybody else.
    “Share yours, Shakespeare,” Rocco calls across the room. “I bet that’s some funny shit.”
    I try to make myself as small as possible. “That’s okay.”
    “Come on, Shakespeare,” Celeste whispers. “I’m sure it’s great.”
    Everyone is suddenly looking at me, and even Mr. Parke seems to be nodding encouragement. A few more seconds and I will lose control of the situation completely.
    “It’s not appropriate,” I say.
    Mr. Parke’s eyes light up. “I should hope not.”
    I look down at my paper. There is no way I can read this out loud to the class. Every girl in here will think I’m some kind of pervert.
    “Would you like me to read it for you?” Mr. Parke asks.
    It feels like I have no choice, so I hand him my paper.
    I keep my head down as he reads, and my skin prickles with excitement and