Soupy Saturdays With the Pain and the Great One Read Online Free PDF

Aunt Diana.
    “Thanks, Olive,” I said.

Weirdo on Wheels
    Olive stayed with us for a week. On Saturday we took her back to Aunt Diana’s house. Before we got going Dad stacked our bikes on the car rack. “Don’t bother taking mine,” I told him. But he took it anyway.
    “Are you going to ride your bike today?” the Pain asked.
    “None of your business,” I told him. “Are you going to get carsick today?”
    “None of your business,” he said. Then he laughed.
    Aunt Diana lives in the country. As soon as we got going, Olive stuck her head out the car window. I like Olive. She’s a good dog. There’s just one problem. Even after her bath, she’s still the smelliest dog in the history of the world. I covered my face with a towel so I wouldn’t have to smell her.
    It took an hour to get to Aunt Diana’s house. For once, the Pain didn’t get carsick. And Olive was very glad to see Aunt Diana and Mitchell. Mitchell is Aunt Diana’s husband. We don’t call him Uncle. We just call him Mitchell. Or Mitch. He’s very tall. He’s so tall he can reach anything. Aunt Diana doesn’t need a step stool since she married Mitch.
    At their wedding, the Pain stuffed his pockets with mini hot dogs in tiny rolls. That was before he decided to only eat white food. Mom found the hot dogs the next morning when she was putting away hisclothes. The mustard made a mess of his jacket. That’s what you get when you take the Pain to a wedding.
    Aunt Diana had lunch ready when we got to her house. Soup and sandwiches. The Pain ate white cheese on white bread. When we finished, I helped Aunt Diana clear the table. “Did you enjoy taking care of Olive?” she asked.
    “Oh, yes,” I told her. “Olive is a very nice dog. There’s just one thing.…”
    “What’s that?” Aunt Diana asked.
    “It’s about Olive’s smell,” I said.
    “What smell?” Aunt Diana asked.
    “You know,” I said. “The bad smell.”
    “What bad smell?” Aunt Diana asked.
    Then she put her face right up close to Olive’s and she cooed, “You don’t smell bad, do you, girl?”

    Olive licked Aunt Diana.
    I decided not to say anything else.
    Then Mom called, “Who wants to go for a bike ride?”
    “I do,” Dad answered.
    “Me too,” the Pain sang. “Come on, Abigail—let’s go!”
    “No, thank you,” I said. “I’m going to stay here and play with the baby.”
    The Pain gave me a look.
    When the three of them were gone, Mitchell said, “Hey, Abigail …”
    Mitchell hardly ever says anything. When he does, he talks very softly. You have to listen carefully or you’ll miss what he’s saying. “There’s no traffic on our road,” he told me. “It’s a good place to learn to ride a bike.”
    I pretended I didn’t hear him.
    “Abigail …” he said, louder. Then he repeated what he’d just said—about how their road is a good place to learn to ride a bike.
    “No, thank you,” I told him. “I’m playing with the baby.”
    “Actually,” Aunt Diana said, “the baby is ready for his nap.” She scooped up Jackson and carried him away.
    I could feel Mitchell looking at me. “I’lljust sit here and read,” I told him. “I brought a book.”

    “You know, I’m a pretty good teacher,” Mitchell said. “I teach seventh- and eighth-grade math.”
    “What does math have to do with riding a bike?” I asked.
    “Well … some kids think they can’t learn math,” Mitchell said, “so they’re afraid to try.”
    “I’m good at math,” I told him.
I’m good at other things too
, I thought.
I can blade better than anyone I know. I can jump rope, turn an almost-perfect cartwheel, and make pancakes with hardly any help. The Pain is hopeless at those things. So how come he can ride a bike? It’s so unfair
.
    “All it takes to ride a bike is practice,” Mitchell said.
    “Practice
falling
?” I said. “No, thank you.”
    Mitchell opened a bag. He pulled out padded pants and a padded shirt. He pulled out knee pads,