Some Like It Hot-Buttered Read Online Free PDF

theatre in less than an hour?” I asked.
    “I thought we were investigating a heart attack,” Dutton said. “Now it’s a murder. I’ve had officers watching the building since last night to make sure the scene isn’t contaminated. I’m taking the municipal responsibility for this case myself. For the duration, I’ll be the primary for Midland Heights, and the county prosecutor will be sending someone to handle it from their end. We do that with any major crime. We’re a small force.”
    “Chief, I understand the problem, but can’t the investigators get through with any physical investigations they need to do before we open at eight o’clock tonight? Comedy Tonight is still a new business in town, and we’re going to have a hard time building a following if we have to shut down with no advance notice. I’m already advertised in this morning’s Press-Tribune .”
    Dutton picked up a sheet of paper from his desk, and actually put on a pair of half-glasses to read it more clearly. It was charming.
    “In the past week, you’ve had a grand total of two hundred and fifty-two ticket-buying customers in your theatre, ” he said. “That’s over a seven-day period, and on Friday and Saturday nights, you averaged a total of fifty-seven and a half people per evening.” He put the paper down and looked over the half-glasses at me. That was not so charming.
    “Yeah, but we made the half-person pay full price,” I answered. Okay, I was embarrassed to hear those figures, and not on top of my game. So write your own joke and insert it there.
    “I promise you, I’ll see to it that your business is closed for the shortest length of time possible,” Dutton said, ignoring my attempt at hilarity. “And we’ll reimburse you for your advertising costs on anything you can’t cancel. But we’ll also need the full cooperation of your staff and, of course, you.”
    “My staff consists of a Rutgers kid who’s still trying to understand The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari and a high school girl who can’t scratch Goth together on her best night,” I told him. “A half hour with each of them will be enough to wipe their minds clean.”
    “And you?” Dutton asked.
    “I was stupid enough to buy the Rialto and rename it Comedy Tonight,” I told him. “I am the innovator who brought old movies back to a market flooded with DVDs. I am the genius who refuses to screen Academy Award contenders because the Academy is resolute in its failure to recognize comedy. I’m the marketing master whose theatre brought in two hundred and fifty-two patrons in a seven-day week. I have exactly one regular customer, a man with a life so full he shows up to watch old comedies seven nights a week . Exactly how much useful information do you think you’ll be able to get from me?”
    “It’s a decent point,” the chief nodded. “Maybe we’ll be done faster than we anticipate.”
    I remember thinking on my way out of the office that the interview could have gone better. Maybe I should have brought donuts. I’m told cops like donuts.

4
    "Why is this bothering you?” My wife—sorry, ex -wife— Sharon sat across from me at the outdoor portion of C’est Moi!, a cafe whose name is fifty-six times more pretentious than its food. I was having a caesar chicken wrap and Sharon was wolfing down huge bites of a reuben sandwich and maintaining her figure, which bugged me. “It’s just a couple of days out of your life. Your business won’t be hurt that badly.”
    “It’s the principle,” I told her, not looking up from my food so I could avoid seeing her roll her eyes. “The cops think they can simply shut me down just because a guy chose to have a heart attack in the middle of a Mel Brooks movie.”
    “It wasn’t a heart attack, and you know it.” Sharon brought her eyebrows down in a V that should have made her look like a Klingon, but didn’t. “They have to investigate. Your problem, Elliot, is that you want this to be a