Some Like It Hopeless (A Temporary Engagement) Read Online Free PDF

knowing Shane was going to be mad at her for drowning his flowers and not caring one bit.
    She jingled Brady’s keys. “Are you coming? Or should I call from Argentina?”
    He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away from her to stare at his fast, little car. “It’s not Argentina I object to. It’s knowing you’ll eat in the car on the way.”
    She chuckled. “It’s a good bet I will.”
    “You’ll have to go through me to do it.”
    “I can only go through you if you’re there.”
    He nodded, looking over his shoulder at her dirty, wet flip-flops. “But change your shoes, at least.”
    She smiled, flinging the hose toward the house. “I’ll give you that one. You don’t even have to work for it.”

    Cassandra parked in a pull-out near the top of Mulholland Drive and looked out over the city. The lights twinkled, the city sprawled before her. The freeways curving snakelike along the valley.
    So many people. So much hurt and misery.
    It was easy to remember, sitting here, that she was only one in seven billion. Insignificant, really. Her hurts, her misery. Insignificant.
    She looked over at Brady, his hand still squeezing the door handle. He looked a little green, and Cassandra didn’t know if that was from her driving or from the winding road.
    When he opened his eyes, she was still watching him. He swallowed and said, “You are not driving back.”
    She smiled at him. “My plan was to distract you with a little hanky panky when we got up here but I can see that isn’t going to work. This car is too small.”
    He cracked his window and took deep, gulping breaths. He said, “I thought we were going to go over the side a few times.”
    “Didn’t you want to?”
    He stopped breathing; he didn’t look at her. He didn’t have to because Cassandra already knew his answer.
    He did want to go over the side. And he didn’t.
    She knew how that felt.
    She looked back toward the lights and just sat with him.
    She said, “I don’t know why those who get what everyone deserves always feel guilty about it.”
    “I deserve my guilt.”
    “You do. You deserve your guilt for hurting those you love. You deserve it for taking their life from them.”
    “But you think I should forgive myself anyway.”
    Cassandra said, “Never.”
    He turned to her, in shock, and Cassandra said, “You can’t undo it. You can’t make amends. You will never be forgiven. Some things just won’t ever be.”
    “Then what the hell are we talking about?”
    “You don’t deserve the guilt you feel for surviving. For living when they can’t. There’s no forgiveness, Brady. You’re never going to find it. But maybe you can find life again.”
    He pushed his door open, jumping out of the car. He slammed his palm onto the hood of the car and shouted, “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
    Cassandra jumped, her heart thumping. Smooth move, ex-lax. Bring a man who can bench press a small elephant to a secluded area and piss him off.
    She got out of the car slowly and faced him. She kept the car between them and said, “The man I love fell in love with someone else. And he feels guilty about it. Guilty, when he got something everyone deserves. To love, to be loved in return.”
    “I don’t give a flying fuck about Shane.”
    “You’re alive, Brady. You deserve that. To live, to spend as much time as you get driving your fast car fast. To sleep in a bed.”
    He jerked.
    Cassandra shook her head. He’d woken up next to her twice now and both times he’d stared at the bed like it was a sleeping dragon. Like he couldn’t believe he’d slept on it.
    She said, “You’re searching for forgiveness when it will never come. Maybe you should start looking for something else.”
    “You mean like loving someone who can’t love me back? You’re right, that sounds better. I’ll start looking for that.”
    She looked up and could almost make out a star if she squinted. “I can’t help who I love; you can’t help