Soft in the Head

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Book: Soft in the Head Read Online Free PDF
Author: Marie-Sabine Roger
looking them up in the dictionary again, I’d be hard pushed to give you a precise definition, but I remember the gist. “Innate” is what people have when they’re born, and it’s easy to remember because it’s in your nature. “Acquired” is what we spend the rest of our lives struggling to learn. The stuff we’re supposed to pick up from other people along the way. But from who?
    For example, emotions are not innate, not at all. Eating and drinking, yeah, sure, that’s instinct. If you don’t do it, you die. But emotions are an optional extra, or you can do without. I should know. It’s a poor excuse for a life, you’re half-witted, not much different from a dumb animal, butyou can go on living a long time just the same. A very long time. I don’t want to be always using myself as an example, but when I was starting out in life, I didn’t get much in the way of affection.
    In a normal family—from what I’ve seen—people cry sometimes, and they scream, but there are moments of tenderness, people ruffle your hair, they say things like, Would you look at the state of him, he’s the spitting image of his father! And they pretend like they’re angry but they’re just teasing because really they’re proud they know where you come from. I’ve seen it when Marco talks about his daughter or Julien talks about his two sons.
    Me, I don’t come from anywhere, that’s my problem. Obviously I had to come from some guy’s balls, it’s not like there’s an alternative. And from some woman’s pussy, like everyone else on this earth. But in my case, as soon as I was born, the good part was over. Done and dusted. That’s why I say that emotions are acquired , they’re something you have to learn. If it took me longer than it took most people, it’s because I didn’t have a role model in the beginning. I had to find everything out for myself. And it’s the same with speech, I learned to speak on building sites and in bars mostly, which is why I have trouble explaining things—I use too many swear words, and I don’t always explain things the right way round like educated people: first a , then b , then c .
    When Landremont, or Devallée, or the mayor (who’s also a secondary school teacher) talk about something, you can tell they’ve got a firm grasp on the idea. After that, allthey need to do is reel it in, keep following it until they get to the other end. It’s called not losing the thread. You can interrupt them, you can butt in with From what I’ve heard… or By all accounts …, it makes no bloody difference, they still steer a steady course!
    Me, I always stray from the point. I start off with one thing, that leads to another and another and another, and by the time I get to the end of the sentence, I don’t even remember what I was talking about. And if I get interrupted, I get even more confused and end up in a complete muddle.
    When educated people lose their way while they’re explaining something, they go pale. They put a finger to their lips and they frown and they say, Damn it, where was I? What was I saying again?
    And everyone around them looks worried, they hold their breath as though this was something serious…
    The difference between them and me is that, when I lose the thread, no one gives a toss.
    Including me. In fact, especially me.

 
     
    B EFORE , I used to be functionally illiterate— Being unable to read or write; see also: ignorant —but I’m not ashamed. Reading is something that’s acquired. You don’t even need to go looking: when you’re little, you’re sent to school where they force-feed you, like they do with geese.
    Some teachers are good at it, they’ve got the skill, the patience, that kind of thing. They gradually fill up your memory until it’s chock-a-block. With others, it’s gobble or die! They stuff you full of information without bothering to worry where it’s going to end up. And what happens? A crumb of information goes down the wrong way,
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