friend to have. Sheâd have been a fantastic friend to have. She was funny, and I didnât know too many people like her. But by that stage, I knew that I didnât want to be her friend, if you know what I mean, and I was worried that her being friendly to me meant that I didnât stand a chance with anything else. I know thatâs wrong. Mum is always telling me that the friendship has to come first, before anything else. But it seemed to me that when I first arrived at the party, she was looking at me as though I might be a possible boyfriend, which was why she was all sharp and spiky. So what I didnât know was, had she put away the spikes for a reason? Because some girls are like that. Sometimes you know youâve got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasnât so messed up, it wouldnât be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you would be a good sign, but in the real world, it isnât.
Â
As things turned out, Alicia being nice to me was a good sign, so maybe the world isnât as messed up as Iâd thought. And I understood that it was a good sign pretty much straightaway, because she started talking about things we could do. She said she wanted to come to Grind City to watch me skate, and then she asked me whether I wanted to see a film with her.
I was getting butterflies by this time. It sounded to me as though sheâd already decided that we were going to start seeing each other, but nothingâs ever that easy, is it? And also, how come she didnât have a boyfriend? Alicia could have had anyone she wanted, in my opinion. Actually, that might even be a fact.
Â
So when she mentioned this possible cinema date, I tried to be as, you know, as blah as possible, just to see how sheâd react.
âIâll see what Iâm up to,â I said.
âWhat does that mean?â
âWell, you know. Iâve got homework some nights. And I usually do quite a lot of skating over the weekends.â
âSuit yourself.â
âAnyway. Do I have to find someone to come with me?â
She looked at me as if I was mad, or stupid.
âWhat do you mean?â
âI donât want to go to the cinema with you and your boyfriend,â I said. Do you see my clever plan? This was my way of finding out what was going on.
âIf I had a boyfriend, I wouldnât be asking you, would I? If I had a boyfriend, you wouldnât be sitting here now, and neither would I, probably.â
âI thought you had a boyfriend.â
âWhere did you get that from?â
âI dunno. Why havenât you, anyway?â
âWe split up.â
âOh. When?â
âTuesday. Iâm heartbroken. As you can tell.â
âHow long had you been going out?â
âTwo months. But he wanted to have sex with me, and I wasnât ready to have sex with him.â
âRight.â
I looked at my shoes. Five minutes ago she didnât want me to know what music she listened to, and now she was telling me about her sex life.
âSo maybe heâll change his mind,â I said. âAbout wanting sex, I mean.â
âOr maybe I will,â she said.
âRight.â
Was she saying that she might change her mind about being ready for sex? In other words, was she saying that she might have sex with me? Or was she saying that she might change her mind about having sex with him? And if that was what she meant, where did that leave me? Was it possible that sheâd go out with me, but at any moment she might decide that the time had come to go off and sleep with him? This seemed like important information, but I wasnât sure how to go about getting it.
âHey,â she said. âWant to go up to my room? Watch some TV? Or listen to some music?â
She stood up and pulled me to my feet. What was this, now? Had she already changed her mind about being ready for