all over the walls of the Living Room.
I was rooting through the cart, trying to find batteries for the lanterns when I felt Astridâs hand on my shoulder.
âHey,â she said.
âHey,â I answered. Iâm cool like that.
âCan I talk to you?â
âSure,â I said.
She nodded me toward the Train.
I went in, bringing a lantern. I hadnât been in the Train in ⦠how long? More than twenty-four hours, to be sure.
It was easy to remember that these had been the dressing rooms of the Greenway, before they became our sleeping quarters. They still looked pretty commercial, no matter how homey Josie had tried to make them when she redecorated.
On the doors to the rooms were written the names of the kids whoâd slept there.
âMax, Batiste, and Ulyssesâ read the door to my right in Josieâs handwriting.
That made me feel sad and scared. I missed Josie. I missed all of them.
Astrid followed my gaze.
âDo you think they could be there yet?â Astrid asked me.
âMaybe. I sure as hell hope so.â
âYeah, me, too,â Astrid said. She was looking down at her feet. She was still wearing the knit hat Iâd given her after sheâd had me cut her hair.
I smiled, remembering that momentâprobably the only nice thing she and I had ever shared.
Suddenly Astrid looked up and the glow from the lantern lit up her face.
A gleam of gold glinted off her nose ring. The nose ring made her look cool, but also a little fierce, too.
I must have been staring at her, wondering what she would look like without it.
âIâm not going to sleep with you,â she said.
And I nearly swallowed my heart.
âWh-what?â I stammered.
âI just want you to know. I figured you might think that because you stayed, I would, like, sleep with you. And Iâm not going to.â
Then she turned and walked out of the Train.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
I just stood there like an idiot, with my mouth on the floor, for at least ten minutes.
Then I got angry.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
I caught up with her in the Kitchen. She was starting to go through the shelves, pulling out food we didnât need to heat up to be able to eat.
âAstrid, I never expected you to sleep with me! I never said anything about that. I would never think or expect something like that!â
âFine,â she said. âGood. Then weâre straight.â
âI stayed because you were right. It was too dangerous for the other kids, to have us with them. And I stayed because you told me youâre pregnant. And staying was the decent thing to do.â
âAnd Iâm grateful,â she said, overarticulating her words, like she thought I was an idiot. âBut Iâm not going to sleep with you just because Iâm grateful.â
âI canât believe youâre saying this,â I stammered. âDo you think Iâm some kind of animal?â
âI just wanted to get the facts straight,â she said, turning her back on me.
âWell, theyâre straight.â
âGood,â she said, returning to her sorting. âIâm glad to hear that.â
I was furious. She was acting so cold and so â¦
I donât know. I turned and walked away.
Had I been nursing a dream weâd get together and fall in love, and one day, one day far in the future, maybe weâd have sex?
Yes. Dur. Of course I had. Thatâs what you do when you have a horrible crush on someone.
Now it felt like she was calling it out. Just saying it right in the open. It wasnât kind and it wasnât fair.
I stormed away into the dark, messy aisles of our stupid, commercial refuge.
I needed a project.
Â
CHAPTER FOUR
ALEX
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53â42 MILES
Niko had blisters coming up all over his face. I guess the mask got pushed to the side during the fight with Josie.
I guess the blisters were in his mouth, too. Or his