Sister Heart Read Online Free PDF

Annie
    You are not dumb
    She waves her stick
    in front of my face
    like a snake
    ready to strike
    You can speak English
    It’s in your paperwork
    I wasn’t told
    but now I know
    You have been lying to me, Annie
    Have you been laughing
    behind my back with the other girls?
    I shake my head
    How long did you think
    you could trick me?
    Not tricking her
    Not tricking anyone
    If you can speak
    you will speak!
    Teacher takes a deep breath
    Mary had a little lamb
    its fleece was white as snow
    everywhere that Mary went
    the lamb was sure to go
    Say the rhyme, Annie!
    My voice won’t work
    I can’t say it
    Teacher’s face is red
    and twisted
    and furious
    You are not the first
    rebellious child
    to arrive here
    Whack!
    She smacks the stick hard
    on my table
    Janey and Nancy
    jerk in surprise
    Teacher waits for me to speak
    waits
    and waits
    Hand holding the stick is shaking bad
    Put out your hands!
    I hold out my trembling hands
    She brings the stick
    down flat on my palms
    whack – whack!
    whack – whack!
    Hurts
    I – will – not – cry!
    Teacher grabs my arm
    pulls me out
    Hits my back
    my legs
    again and again
    harder and harder
    I shove her away
    and run from school
    Run
    run
    run
    to the crying tree

    Later
    in the crying tree
    Janey looks at the marks
    on my hands
    and back
    and legs
    You got bruises
    and cuts
    and skin is swellin’ up
    some of the cuts are bleedin’
    She got you with the hard edge
    I hate her, Annie
    says Tim
    She’s like a big boy bully
    but lots meaner
    He gives me a mudlark feather
    to help me feel better
    Legs’ll be stiff tomorrow
    says Janey
    But if you pretend
    they not killin’ you
    won’t hurt so much
    I think I will hurt bad
    no matter what I pretend!

    I am not allowed
    to have dinner
    because
    it is disrespectful
    to trick Teacher
    and laugh behind her back
    Only I didn’t
    I am not allowed
    to have dinner
    because
    I have done something
    really bad
    I shoved Teacher
    I am not allowed
    to have dinner
    because
    I don’t know my place
    If I ever
    touch Teacher again
    I will get the cane
    or the strap
    or worse
    Janey
    sneaks bread
    into the sleeping room
    Nancy
    sneaks bush berries
    Emmy and Dot
    sneak wet rags
    to cool my bruises
    and wipe the bits of blood
    I am too sad to eat bread and berries
    Eatin’ makes you tougher
    Janey says
    You got to get tougher, Annie
    Nuh, Janey
    says Nancy
    Teacher got it in for her now
    Be watchin’ for a chance
    to have another go
    Annie got to talk
    But I can’t talk
    Sometimes
    I feel my voice
    rattling inside me
    like a trapped thing
    trying to get out
    My voice got lost
    when bully boots policeman
    took me from the station
    Don’t know
    when it will come back

    I dream
    I am with Aunty Adie
    working in the Big House
    on the station
    When I was little
    Aunty is telling me
    I had to be learning new things
    Now
    you have to be learning new things, too
    The Big House
    is a different world
    to the out-camp
    Boss likes his own way
    I wanted to stay with Mum
    in the out-camp all the time
    I didn’t want to work in the Big House
    Aunty’s face goes blank
    This is my outside face
    Aunty’s face goes smiley
    This is my inside face
    She pats my cheek gently
    You do the same
    I make an outside face
    I make an inside face
    I wake crying
    School is a different world
    different to the station
    different to the ship
    When I left the ship
    I left with an outside face
    I walked like I wasn’t afraid
    even though I was
    I walked like I was brave
    If I walk like I am tough
    will I get tougher?
    Hope so
    This bad place
    is getting badder

    In the morning
    Janey says
    You okay, Annie?
    I hurt all over
    But I nod that I’m okay
    Don’t run, will ya?
    I’m worryin’ you’ll run
    How does Janey know
    I’ve been watching the track
    that lets people into this place?
    Ever since I got here
    I have been wondering
    if I follow the track
    if I keep running
    will I