Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook for Teens Read Online Free PDF

back to you. On the top rung of the ladder that follows, write the situation you’d like to face. On the bottom rung, write the least scary step you can think of that would lead in that direction. For example, if your top rung is to give a presentation in class, your bottom rung might be to tell a joke to a friend. One by one, fill in the rungs of your ladder so that each exposure builds on the one before. Take your time building your ladder; you’re going to need it for the rest of this book.

    If you need ideas, here are several sample ladders built for common avoidance/exposure situations. The order of the rungs would probably be different for each person completing the ladder, so rate how scary each exposure is for you by putting a number from 1 to 10 in the circle.

9.
Grab a Rung! Getting a Grip on Your Exposure Ladder
    Have you completed your exposure ladder? Great—good work! Chances are, you are not exactly jumping at the opportunity to do your first exposure. You may have tried something similar in the past and regretted it. This time, you’re going to need a new strategy, better support, and a more accurate way to judge the results. Let’s follow along with Alex as he prepares for his bottom rung by filling out this exposure chart.
    Alex begins by naming the exposure, or situation he has been avoiding, that he is now planning to face—the lowest rung on his ladder, saying hi to Ginelle. The next row, his anxious prediction, is what he is afraid will happen—and probably feels absolutely certain will happen—when he exposes himself to the situation. Next is his perfectionist goal, an unrealistic expectation that only makes him more anxious. Social perfectionism allows no room for mistakes or surprises, and if Alex goes into his exposure with this goal in mind, he is doomed for failure.

    Alex's idea that he has to appear calm and confident around girls is unrealistic and only makes him more anxious.
    Before Alex moves forward to the next part of the exposure chart, there is one more very important question he must answer, which has to do with his past behavior, not his thinking. The question is, what did he do to keep his anxious prediction from coming true?
    Alex was once in a science class group project with Ginelle. He stayed in the group, and he even actually spoke to her once, but before he opened his mouth he mentally rehearsed everything he was going to say so it wouldn’t sound dumb. He never looked directly at Ginelle, and he spoke only about the project itself, not about anything personal. The moment the conversation turned spontaneous, Alex fixed his eyes on his notes and waited until the crisis had passed.
    What Alex did is called safety behavior, and it is another more subtle form of avoidance. Safety behaviors are what we do to keep the things we are afraid will happen from happening. It’s like swimming with water wings on to keep yourself from drowning. Yes, you are in the water, but you’re not really swimming. Water wings don’t help you gain confidence in your own ability to stay afloat. You might always think the reason you did not drown was that you had your water wings on.
    Here are some examples of safety behaviors:
Calling a friend but thinking out what you are going to say first, or texting instead of calling
Going to a party, but not initiating conversations
Asking someone out, but not the person you are really interested in
Going to school, but avoiding looking people in the eye
Talking only to people who do not intimidate you
Sitting in the back of the class so people cannot watch you
Using alcohol or other drugs at social gatherings
Never ordering things at restaurants that you are afraid you will mispronounce
    Alex knew from past experience that when he was around girls he was attracted to he said only what he’d rehearsed and avoided eye contact. If he does that now with Ginelle, he won’t be truly testing his anxious prediction, so he’d better write it down in the chart