Shards of Us Read Online Free PDF Page B

rough and controlling, and yet, beneath it all, so tender and hurt. I want to know Sebastian, really know him, and then I want to be with him.
    Still, a nagging part of me can't help but think that something is going to go very, very wrong.
    "Just yeah?" Ash asks as she joins me in wiping down the table.
    I sigh. "Are you sure you're going to be okay? Following him, I mean."
    She rolls her eyes. "You worry too much. You know that?"
    "And maybe you don't worry enough ," I say with a small smile, moving onto another table.
    She shrugs. "Fair enough. But seriously, everything is going to be just fine. I'll wait in the lobby when you two leave, and then I'll follow him from a good distance until he goes to a house or business or something that will help us find out who he is. And then I'll leave before he can notice. I watch crime dramas," she adds. "I know how this shit is done."
    "Whatever," I say, throwing the cloth I was using in the trash and taking off my green apron. "Just don't get hurt, okay?"
    "Okay," Ash says.
    She follows me into the bathroom, where I wash my hands. "Trust me," she adds, smiling. "Come Wednesday night, you'll be thanking me for finding out who he is."
    "I trust you," I say weakly, turning off the water and wiping my hands with a towel. "I know you'll stay safe."
    She smiles at me. "Thanks, Crystal," she says. "I know for a fact nothing will go wrong."
    How wrong she was.
    ***
    How are you supposed to act when you're about to deceive the one person you care about? The only thing I know about deception is which poses and music you use to represent it in dance, which doesn't exactly help in this situation. I stare at myself in the mirror for the longest time Wednesday night before leaving for the hotel, thinking about Sebastian and what Ash is going to find out about him and how I'm possibly going to come clean about breaking his trust without making him hate me, and also, a little, worrying I won't like what I find out about him.
    I dismiss the thought immediately, telling myself Sebastian means so much to me that it doesn't matter who he is or what he does; I'll always care about him. No exceptions. And anyway, I have more important things to worry about. Like how I'm going to break rule number two tonight without Sebastian even knowing. He trusts me--I can see it in his eyes--and I'm still deceiving him. My heart hurts at the thought. I'm deceiving the one person I care about, and for what? For my own curiosity? It's like losing everything I care about all over again, except this time it will be my fault.
    I look at myself in the mirror more closely, shaking my head. A pair of sad brown eyes stare back at me, remains of the happy person I once was. My dark hair cascades onto my shoulder, and two cheekbones poke out of my pale face. The red lipstick and mascara brings the rest of me together, but I feel off wearing it today, like everything about this outfit is wrong. My gaze drops down to the black dress snug against my body, and suddenly something about this dress seems especially wrong to me. It's the dress I always wear to my meetings with Sebastian, yes, but today isn't like the other night, and it feels like another level of betrayal to pretend as if it is. So not knowing what else to do, I change from my black dress to a red one.
    That was the first sign.
    Finally, at about 10 p.m., I hear a knock at my front door. "Come in!" I call. The door clicks open a minute later, and the door swings open.
    I spin around to see Ash rushing inside, wearing a fancy white dress and smiling at me. "You ready?" she asks.
    "Not a bit." It's the truth.
    She sighs. "You don't have to do anything but act normal. I'll do the rest, don't worry. Okay?"
    I bite my lip. I can act normal, right? I can do that. Yes. I can do that. "Okay," I manage to say. "I … I'll try.
    Her face lights up. "Good. Now," she says, taking my hand and dragging me away from the mirror. "Let's go. You have a sexy man waiting for you in a