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surprised to find that it was already a contact in his phone. The
bastard had even added himself to his phone!
    The phone burred a few times
and then clicked, and Michael heard, “’lo?” The voice on the other end
obviously belonged to someone who’d been asleep.
    “Is this Blarney?” said
Michael, anger making his accent more pronounced.
    “’oozis?” he said.
    “This is Michael. Or Molly.
I’ve got your phone number. And a shamrock .”
    “Oh, fuck.” There was the
sound of someone sitting up. “Are you okay?”
    “No I’m not okay!” he
screamed into the phone. He had to admit that his new voice was good for
screaming. “Where are you?”
    “No, um…where are you? I can
come get you, and-“
    “Tell me now. I’ll take a
cab. My phone’s about to die.”
    After another hesitation
Blarney reeled off an address. It was another hotel, a much nicer one, and
Michael clicked the phone off as soon as he got the information. He wasn’t armed
but he planned to kill the little shit as soon as he was within arm’s length.
    Finding a taxi was easy
enough, and he had plenty of cash to buy passage. Michael sat with his arms
crossed over his massive chest, fuming. Everything just underlined the sources
of his irritation, from the way that his tits interfered with his arms to the
way that it felt as though he was sitting on a cushion thanks to his new ass.
He planned to take his frustrations out on Blarney once he was changed back and
had found out how on earth this had happened to him.
    Michael thanked the cabbie
and tipped well; no reason to take his emotion out on the innocent. He frowned
and wished that he’d tipped a little less when the driver took the opportunity
to stare down Michael’s shirt, but he couldn’t blame the man. Michael marched
into the lobby and looked around for the elevators. He stopped when he heard
someone yell, “Molly! Oi!”
    He turned toward the voice.
It belonged to a medium-height young man with sandy hair. He was utterly unremarkable
and Michael didn’t recall ever having seen him before. He gave the young man a
blank look until the young man pointed to himself and said, “Blarney. Don’t
y’remember me?”
    Now Michael could see that
it was the same face that he’d seen in the pictures. Dressed in jeans and a
t-shirt, Blarney looked so average that he was in danger of blending into the
wall paper. Michael gave Blarney the iciest look he could manage and spat, “We
are going. To your room. Now.”
    Blarney shrank away and
edged around Michael without comment, hitting the elevator button. Once they
were inside the elevator, he was careful to stay as far away from Michael as
possible. Every time he started to speak Michael just gave him the look again
and Blarney subsided.
    He led Michael to a door and
unlocked it, then held it open while Michael pushed past without looking at
him.
    Once the door was shut,
Michael whirled on him and said, “What did you do to me? You son of a bitch, do
you have any idea what kind of a morning I’ve had?”
    Blarney held up his hands to
fend off the attack. Michael had so many questions that they jammed in his
throat and Blarney took the opportunity to jump in.
    “Look, I’m sorry. I had no
idea that you’d change like this, or that you’d stay changed so long!”
    “Change me back.” Michael
had plenty of questions but they could wait until he’d lost the tits.
    Blarney got a pained look on
his face. “Well, see, that’s gonna be difficult. It’s going to take a little,
um, work, to get it right, and you’re not going to like it.”
    “I don’t care. Whatever.
Change me back, right now.”
    “That’s…listen, I was drunk
when I set this up, and I don’t want to-“
    “Change me back .”
Michael’s fists opened and closed. Blarney directed a worried glance at them.
    Blarney sighed. “I will. I’m
just saying, the way I set it up, there’s only one way for you to change back.”
    “What.”
    Blarney went to his