September Fair Read Online Free PDF Page A

apricot-tinged hair crisp with curls. In fact, I think there was a curler or two still clinging to her scalp, which just added to her general je ne sais quoi . This impression was further accented by her eye-catching T-shirt over elastic-waisted shorts and the epée hanging saucily at her side. On her feet, ever sensible, she wore shapeless white tennies over booties with little colored balls at the heels. I loved the woman even though she made me crazy. Or maybe because of it. “And what was the third question?”
    “Which Neil Diamond song contains the lines, ‘We danced until the night became a brand-new day, two lovers playing scenes from some romantic play’? And understand that the man has a gobzillion songs.”
    “I don’t know.”
    Mrs. Berns crossed her arms triumphantly. “‘September Morn.’ And voilà!” She pulled two laminated tickets out of the purse slung over her forearm. “You and me are going to meet The Man! Monday night!”
    “Whuh? But it’s only Thursday. And I’m not a DiamondHead.”
    “All it takes is one show, sister.”
    “But why are you here now if the show’s not until Monday?”
    “What else do I have to do? I’m retired.”
    My chest tightened with worry. “Um, actually, you’re my assistant librarian. I left you in charge for the next ten days.”
    She waved her hands. “Pah. A monkey could do that job. I left Curtis Poling in charge.”
    Curtis Poling, the Battle Lake Senior Sunset resident who periodically fished off the roof into the grass below. His eccentricity made him a town legend, but he was also cagier than he let on. I knew firsthand that he was as sharp as a knife and completely responsible. He’d do for the moment. “Okay. How’d you get out of the nursing home?”
    “Paid a woman to pretend she was my daughter and sign me out for a family vacation.”
    “And you paid that same woman to drive you here?”
    “No, I hitchhiked.”
    “That’s dangerous!”
    “You’re a fine one to talk, Ms. Finds Dead Bodies. And it’s not as bad as it sounds. That woman drove me as far as Alexandria, where I wandered around like I had dementia until a nice older couple stopped for me. I told them I was from St. Paul and didn’t know where I was. They drove me to the Lyngblomsten Nursing Home right over here on Como, where a friend of mine stays. She was in on the plan and welcomed me like her roommate. If not for the kindness of strangers.”
    I shook my head and slunk deeper in my seat. After all, what were my options? She was a grown-up, and then some.
    “You don’t need to look like such a sourpuss. I’m here and I’m fine. What’s wrong with you, anyhow? When you first walked in here, you looked like you seen a …” A shadow passed across Mrs. Berns’ face as she stared at me, her eyes growing wider. “Oh no. Tell me you didn’t.”
    “Didn’t what?”
    “Find another dead body.”
    I sat up straighter. “Technically, I didn’t find it. But I saw one.”
    “Someone OD on hotdish-on-a-stick right at your feet?”
    “Worse.”
    “You see one of those Skyride bubbles crashing to the ground and crushing young lovers below, popping them like slugs? I always knew that was going to happen. You wouldn’t catch me on one of those death traps.”
    “Worse.”
    “Out with it, then.”
    I drew a ragged breath. “Ashley Pederson, the newest Milkfed Mary, Queen of the Dairy? She died about an hour ago while she was getting her head carved out of butter. I was there, but so were a thousand other people.”
    “Whoof.” She fell onto the bench across from me. “I’m surprised they let you outta your car. You’re the Grim Reaper in person. So how’d that little tart die?”
    “‘Little tart?’”
    “Yes. Her parents are nice folks, but they spoiled that girl rotten. She was as mean as the day is long. That’s what happens when you never say ‘no’ to a pretty girl.”
    Ron, who was good friends with Ashley’s parents, had also confided that