September Again (September Stories) Read Online Free PDF Page A

She steels herself for another approach.
    “ Your father.”
    “ Leave my father out of this.”
    “ Why?”
    “ Because he loved me.”
    “ Go on; you may as well say it.”
    “No, I won’t say it just for you to imagine you’ve proved some stupid point. Even if it does happen to be true.”
    “ I often wish it had been me who died of lung cancer and not your father.”
    “ I’m not falling for that one. Firstly, you don’t mean it. And I don’t need a secondly. Firstly will do. You’re just sick. And you can’t beat me in an argument because you’re not as smart as I am. So what do I care?”
    “ You cared when Spider brought you back from London not too long ago. ‘Mum, I’m sorry,’ you said. ‘I love you,’ you said. What was all that about, then?”
    “ I was hungry and tired. You took advantage of me.”
    “ Who was it who lied for you when the police came knocking?”
    “ I didn’t ask you to.”
    “ But I did. I lied my butt off to protect you after your little escapade over those ashes.”
    “ Show a little more respect, please. They were not just any old ashes; they were Indie Shadwick’s ashes.”
    “ And what exactly were you and your partner in crime planning to do with them?”
    “ We were going to go to Beachy Head and end it all.”
    Liz looks at the door in the purest horror. She knows her daughter is not joking. She winces at an inner image of Zelda and Tyrone, her geeky boyfriend, flying through the unresisting air, arms and legs flailing wildly, Tyrone’s death black Goth coat flapping like some broken kite. She knows she has to be careful what she says next and that her daughter knows it too and is waiting. She imagines Zelda clutching the urn with Indie’s ashes. The lid goes its way and the ashes follow it, smudging the air for the briefest moment before vanishing. The urn rotates furiously as it falls. She forces her mind to go blank, not to see the bed of mixed geology onto which Zelda and the ashes tumble. Too much information. Silence. Zelda’s turn to sweat. Not for the first time, she curses the memory of Indie Shadwick. Yes, she will regret it, yes, yes, yes, okay! But right now, she curses Indie for casting her mad shadow into her life and that of her daughter. Damn it!
    “ What are we going to do with you, Zelda? Jack and I were so happy when you came along, I can’t even begin to tell you. I always thought the happiest day of my life was when I met Jack, but it was when you came along. And that’s the truth. I remember how proud your father was when he carried you from the hospital in your cot. He said it was the happiest day of his life and I know he meant it. We were so in love, your father and I. He was the sweetest of men. Nothing was too good for me, or you. There was nothing that man would not do for us. I lucked out all right when I met Jack – ain’t that the truth. Everyone loved your father. Oh yes, the whole world loved your father. I just shared him. But that was enough for me. I knew I could never replace Indie and I didn’t try to. She was a troubled soul. But you know all that. I know Jack loved her. But he loved me too. God, did he love me. Fierce and gentle Jack O. Savage was. God, I miss him to this day, every day, every minute of every day. A big part of my life ended when your dad died – you know that’s the truth. I know I’ve not been the best mother to you. I know I lost my way a bit when your dad died. But who wouldn’t?” Liz fiddles with the engagement ring Jack gave her, which she still wears on her left hand. “He was a big man, your dad. He filled my life with the beauty of his being and talent. And I loved him for it. Life was all smiles with your dad. He loved everything he did, never dissed anyone in all the time I knew him. A real gentleman, your father was. And what a poet! The things people said about him! God, I was proud of him when I read what people said about him. Not that it helped. It really only made