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polyester bedspread that I was lying under.
                  I’d been lying in bed for days, attempting to figure out my life. I wondered if my life with Jimmy had been a front. I felt stupid for wasting the last five years with such a lunatic. I constantly imagined not being alive had the bullet been two centimeters to the left.
                  “Urrgh!” In anger, I threw my iPhone unto the bed.
                  I knew, since many of his family and friends were calling my mother to check on me, that Jimmy would eventually find out that I was alive. I thought that he would be happy that he didn’t actually kill me. Yet, from the sound of his voice on the message he just left, hearing that I was alive had only fueled Jimmy’s anger.
                  I remembered literally tasting the saltiness of his tears as he lay his face next to mine when he thought that I was dead. That was not the same man that shot me. Nor was it the same man that I was just listening to threaten my life all over again.
                  He was like a possessed Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
                  “I just wanted to be happy.” I was weeping as I talked to myself and looked at my bandaged head in the mirror in Donte’s guest bedroom.
                  I had left Jimmy to be happy. I left him to get rid of the unnecessary stresses in my life. But it seemed like leaving him had only made my life worse. It had turned my little problems into mountains of stress and fear.
                  “You okay?”
                  Donte startled me. I didn’t know how long he had been in the doorway. When our eyes met, I let out all of the other tears that had been threatening to come down my face. Immediately, he entered the room, came towards me, and put his arms around me. I lay in his loving arms wondering why the man that I loved for five years couldn’t love me enough that he protected me rather than hurt me.
                  “I’m okay.” As I told Donte that, I was also attempting to convince myself of it.
                  “You sure?”
                  “Really. I’m okay.”
              Though protected, I felt so stupid being there with Donte. I felt like every time I cried or needed him, it was further validation that I had made the worst mistake of my life by choosing Jimmy over him.
                  In order to keep my thoughts from consuming me, I left Donte’s arms and focused on something else. “I need to clean this wound.”
                  Walking back towards the mirror, I began to remove the bandages, but quickly Donte was behind me with his hand on top of mine.
                  “I’ll do it for you.”             
                  Guiding me by the hand, he took me over to a chair where he sat. I sat on the floor in front of him between his legs. Tears silently fell from my tired eyes as this man began to clean my wound. I fought with my heart, telling it not to go out to Donte. I told my emotions to check themselves because surely I had bigger and more important things to worry about than falling for another man.
     
     
                 
                 

F our
    Friday , June 28, 2013
    Omari
    “Fuck!”
                  I couldn’t believe this shit. It was Friday. I finally got paid. I was ready to go, but I had a fucking flat. The slash in the tire was so big that taking it to the gas station to put air in it wasn’t an option. Of course, I thought one of my dips was behind all this, but it was no telling. I had been laying pretty low – staying at home and spending time with my girl – ever since Aeysha got into my Facebook page.
    What was worse was that I had a spare, but no jack.
                  I got out of the car. I wasn’t about to run out my gas by