Secondhand Sinners Read Online Free PDF Page B

blurted out, “I had to leave.”
    He sat forward with his elbows on his knees and clenched his hands together. “I thought we were going take some time to figure it all out. You know I would have taken you anywhere you wanted to go.”
    “You had college, a baseball scholarship, and a career ahead of you. A shot at a real future. I would’ve ruined your life, and I would have been a disastrous mother, like mine was to me and hers was to her. I had to do it, and I had to leave. Alone.”
    “If you would have come to me, we could have figured something out.”
    She looked at him, really looked at him for the first time since they were seventeen. She could see it—the hurt and confusion she’d left behind. She expected to see that. The weariness, though, was a surprise. It saddened her.
    “I didn’t have a choice, Miller. They were going to…”
    “What?”
    She could not get into this now. This was not why she came back to town. “Nothing.”
    “Did something happen? Is that why you flew out of town the way you did?”
    Even now, Emily couldn’t say it, couldn’t face it, couldn’t even understand it herself. All she knew was that people who were supposed to protect her had hurt her, cursed her. Normal relationships weren’t possible, not with her mom or dad, not with her ex-husband, not even with her son. So she had to run, break off all contact, and lie to Miller about having an abortion because he deserved a shot at a good life. So did her baby.
    “I just left, okay? I left so I wouldn’t end up like Ma'am or my mom. Apparently I didn’t go far enough because I’m exactly like them. It’s in my blood, and if I had kept the baby I would have ruined her like they ruined me. So now you can live out your life thankful that you didn’t get stuck with me or my screwed-up family.”
    Miller stood, clenched one fist, and motioned in the direction of the big house with the other. “You’re forgetting that I’m the one who’s been stuck with your screwed-up family.”
    “That was your choice.”
    “Yeah. Some choice.” Miller walked to the door, put his hand on the knob, and stopped. “Her?”
    “What?”
    He looked back at Emily. “You said, you would’ve ruined ‘her.’”
    Emily closed her eyes and took a breath. “Her. Him. Whatever. I always thought of the baby as a her. Probably because I’m a woman. Whenever you think about the pregnancy, you probably think of a boy because you’re a man.”
    “No. I think of a girl. A beautiful little girl who looks exactly like Daniel.” He left, slamming the door on his way out.
     
    ***
     
    Miller
     
    Miller hurried to his truck. That conversation hadn’t gone like he’d hoped it would. Your hair got wavy? Where had did that come from? He’d practiced what he’d say and how he’d say it on the way over. Emily, there’s something you should know …Or Hey, Emily, nice ass. Speaking of asses, you’ll never guess what lie I’ve been telling everyone for the last fourteen years… Or his favorite scenario, What’s that? Have sex with you? Please, Emily, stop begging. You’re only embarrassing yourself.
    And then the first words out of his mouth were, “Your hair got wavy”? He was completely unprepared for how vacant she was. The way she stared out the window unsettled him. What if she was always that way, and Levi was right? It was better for him that she had left. His life hadn’t been so bad, after all. He and Sara had a few good years and one or two great ones. She had loved him when they were kids the same way he loved Emily. Loved him so much, in fact, that she agreed marry him and adopt a baby that wasn’t hers because he wanted to. Agreed to move away from town for a few years so that when they moved back no one would question Abby’s parentage. All along, as he led her to believe they were adopting Daniel’s and Emily’s baby, he knew he was getting his own child. Was the joke was on him, or what?
    He tried to find a way to