School of Meanies Read Online Free PDF

of a friend,” Amelia said, and she walked out of the Headmaster’s office with a smile.

13
    Who’s Afraid of Humphrey Bump?
    “Haven’t you noticed,” Amelia whispered on Wednesday afternoon, “how unhappy everyone is?”
    “I’m sure they’d rather be out riding their bicycles in the sun,” I said, peering out from Amelia’s satchel. “Anything other than opening their math books.”

    “That’s not what I meant.” Amelia sat at her desk and lowered the satchel to the floor. “School days are supposed to be the best days of your life. Ever since this new headmaster arrived last semester, I’ve not seen one cheerful face.”
    I broke a chunk from a ghostly chocolate bar and popped it into my mouth.
    “And look at how tired everyone is, Humphrey.”
    I peered out of the satchel and glanced around the classroom. Two of the boys had their heads in their arms. One girl was snoring loudly. “They stayed up late watching cartoons, I guess.”
    “Cartoons? Humphrey, after a day of lessons, followed by five hours of homework, I doubt they can keep their eyes open.”
    “Five hours of homework?”
    “Headmaster’s rules,” Amelia whispered. The room fell silent as the Still-Alive Headmasterstrode in on his long, mean legs. He glanced around the classroom, and then pointed at a boy in the front row. “You, child, where is the teacher?”
    “You—you fired her, sir,” the boy stammered.
    “Raise your hand when you speak, child,” the headmaster yelled, and the boy raised his hand. “You’re expelled. Gather your pencils, child, and get out.”
    “You can’t expel a boy for forgetting to raise his hand,” I whispered.
    “We’re lucky he’s in a good mood,” Amelia whispered back, “or he’d have expelled the entire class.”
    “He can’t do that!”
    “It’s happened before, Humphrey. I told you the headmaster was a bully.”
    “Well, it’s got to stop,” I said.
    “Humphrey,” Amelia gasped, “what are you going to do?”
    “You’ve heard of things that go bump in the night? Well, I’m going to go bump in the daytime, right here in this math classroom.”
    “You’ll get yourself into trouble.”
    I loosened my school tie. “What can he do, expel me?”
    “Just be careful, Humphrey.”
    “He’s the one who should be careful,” I said, and I wisped out from Amelia’s satchel. The still-alive children screamed and ran out of the classroom, and the Still-Alive Headmaster backed into the corner. I took a deep breath and gave the Still-Alive Headmaster the bumpiest bump I’d ever bumped.
    “Ghostly child,” the headmaster said, straightening his hairpiece, “surely you can bump me better than that?”
    “What do you mean?”
    “Must try harder,” the Still-Alive Headmaster said, and he walked out of the classroom.
    “But that was my best-ever bump,” I said, tugging a jam doughnut from my blazer pocket. I’d intended to bump him again, but somehow I’d lost heart.
    “Perhaps you don’t need to bump him,” Amelia said from the doorway. “You’re a ghost, Humphrey. Most people find ghosts terrifying.”
    “I’d forgotten about that,” I said, and I wisped down the corridor, wriggling my transparent bits and making a mean face.
    The Still-Alive Headmaster just stood there shaking his head—pitifully,
    I think.
    “I’m a ghost,” I said. “Aren’t you afraid?”
    “Not in the least,” the Still-Alive Headmaster said, and he walked away.

14
    Humphrey’s Speech
    Thursday morning, as I floated across the field to Still-Alive School, I bumped into Wither.
    “I thought you’d stopped all that bumping nonsense,” Wither said.
    “Sorry.”
    I told Wither about what had happened with the Still-Alive Headmaster in the math classroom.
    “Some still-alives are afraid of ghosties,” I said, “but not this still-alive. I wriggled my transparent bits and he didn’t bat an eyelid.”
    Wither rubbed his chin. “And you bumped him, you say?”
    “Left, right,