Saving Silence Read Online Free PDF Page A

thought, sitting down on the seat. Get a grip, Imogen! You saved Sam. That’s a good thing. No need to get all hot and bothered.
    But I
was
hot and bothered, and not just because of Ms Paul embarrassing me. That remark about me ‘getting all the good stuff’ stung – because it was true.
    If I wasn’t me, I could really hate me.
The realization was so startling that I winced. I’d never thought about how others saw me. I preferred not to think when I didn’t
have to. My life was pretty sorted. I knew where I fitted in and where I was going and I liked it that way. No thinking. Just doing.
    Now I saw myself through everyone else’s eyes. It was totally surreal, almost as though I was looking in a mirror. Imogen Maxwell, who’d been head prefect in Year 11, liked by all
the teachers. Organizer of the school cabaret two years running, head of the Amnesty Student Action Group, two A*s, seven As and one B in her GCSEs. Captain of the Walthamstow youth volleyball team
and the fastest sprinter in the year. Girlfriend to Ollie, the sixth-form poster boy. And now a lifesaver on top of everything else.
    It must seem like all the good stuff just fell into my lap. It kind of had. I found lessons and sports fairly easy, and when I tried something new, I usually did it well. It must make others
sick. It made me a little sick. There were so many people I knew who had so much less.
    So if I did have it all, why didn’t I enjoy it more? Why did I feel empty inside? Christ. Here I was being ungrateful. Even worse!
    I slammed my foot into the cubicle door, feeling a surge of impatience. I didn’t do this soul-searching crap! Last week everything had been fine.
Normal.
Why did I have to start
asking questions about my life and not liking the answers? Why did it feel like I’d suddenly woken up?
    Sam didn’t share any lessons with me and so I didn’t get a chance to sound him out until lunchtime. A once-over of the buildings told me he wasn’t in. Not
surprising, I guessed. Even if he was feeling OK, he was probably wary of being the centre of attention.
    Ollie met me for lunch on the picnic benches outside the sports hall. It was chilly there, but it was quiet so I didn’t care. I sat on the table and opened a packet of crisps. Ollie
perched beside me and took one when I offered.
    ‘OK?’ he asked.
    ‘Been better,’ I said. ‘Did you get that sports science homework finished?’
    Ollie rolled his eyes. ‘Look, you don’t have to pretend everything’s normal.’
    ‘There’s nothing to say. What happened happened. End of.’
    ‘It’s not end of though, is it? Nothing’s resolved. I’ve been thinking, Im, and I’ve got questions. Why did you follow Sam outside? What was he saying to you? You
don’t even know him,
do you
? Unless there’s something you’re not telling me . . .’
    ‘Whoa, cool it!’ After what Nads had said I wasn’t surprised that we were having this conversation, but I
was
taken aback by the anger in his voice. Very different from
the touchy-feely, sensitive, almost embarrassed Ollie of yesterday. Clearly relief at having me safe had worn off quickly. ‘Nothing’s going on. He wanted to talk, that’s
all.’
    ‘Yeah,
away
from everyone else. Away from your
actual
boyfriend. You seemed pretty happy to go outside in the freezing cold with him. Obviously you know each other a lot
better than you’ve let on. Everyone’s been gossiping about you two today and it’s really humiliating! Are you cheating on me?’
    I groaned. ‘You
are
joking, right?’
    ‘Do I look like I’m joking?’ Ollie really didn’t. His lower lip had a dissatisfied twist to it which told me how pissed off he was.
    ‘No, you look like you want to punch something.’
    My bad joke didn’t lift the mood. I sighed, laying the crisp packet down in my lap. I felt a speck of rain fall on to my palm. ‘Take a chill pill, Ollie. Me and Sam? He’s
really
not my type. What he wanted – your guess is as good as