Saint Francis Read Online Free PDF Page B

man who is without work, children, and wife thinks about God, at first just out of curiosity, but later with anguish. Do not shake your head, Sior Francis. You asked and I answered. Forgive me."

    "Speak on, speak on, Brother Leo, don't stop. It's true then, is it, that the devil hoodwinks God, that laziness hoodwinks God? You're very encouraging, Brother Leo. Speak on."

    "What more can I tell you, Sior Francis? You know the rest. My parents had left me a little something; I exhausted it. Then I took to the road with my sack, began going from door to door, monastery to monastery, village to village, searching for God, asking 'Where is He?' . . . 'Who has seen Him?' . . . 'Where can I find Him?' as though He were some ferocious beast I had gone out to hunt. Some laughed, some threw stones at me, still others knocked me down and beat me to a pulp. But I always jumped to my feet again and set out once more in pursuit of God."

    "And did you find Him, did you find Him?" Francis gasped. I felt his warm breath upon my skin.

    "How could I possibly find Him, sir? I asked every kind of person: sages, saints, madmen, prelates, troubadours, centenarians. Each gave me advice: showed me a path, saying 'Take it and you'll find Him!' But each showed me a different path. Which was I to choose? I was going out of my wits. A sage from Bologna said to me, 'The road which leads to God is that of wife and children. Get married.' Someone else, a madman and saint from Gubbio, said, 'If you want to find God, don't look for Him. If you want to see Him, close your eyes; to hear Him, stop up your ears. That's what I do.' Having said this, he shut his eyes, stopped up his ears, crossed his hands, and began to weep. . . . And a woman who lived as a hermit in the forest ran stark naked under the pine trees striking her breasts and shouting, 'Love! Love! Love!' That was the only answer she was able to give.

    "Another day I came across a saint in a cave. Excessive weeping had blinded him; his skin was all scales, the result of sanctity and uncleanliness. He gave me the advice that was both most correct and most frightening. When I weigh it in my mind my hair stands on end."

    "What advice? I want to hear it!" said Francis, seizing my hand. He was trembling.

    "I bowed down, prostrated myself before him, and said, 'Holy ascetic, I have set out to find God. Show me the road.'

    " 'There isn't any road,' he answered me, beating his staff on the ground.

    " 'What is there, then?' I asked, seized with terror.

    " 'There is the abyss. Jump!'

    " 'Abyss?' I screamed. 'Is that the way?' " 'Yes, the abyss. All roads lead to the earth; the abyss leads to God. Jump!'

    " 'I can't, Father.'

    " 'Then get married and forget your troubles,' he said, and stretching forth his skeleton-like arm he motioned me to leave. As I departed I could hear his lamentations in the distance."

    "Did they all weep?" murmured Francis, terrified. "All? Those who had found God as well as those who had not?"

    "All."

    "Why, Brother Leo?"

    "I don't know. But they all wept."

    We remained silent. Francis had buried his face in the pillow; he was breathing fitfully.

    "Listen, Sior Francis, it seems to me that I did see a trace of Him once or twice," I said in order to comfort him. "Once, when I was drunk, I caught sight of His back for a moment. It was in a tavern where I was having a good time with my friends, and He had just opened the door to leave. Another time I was going through the woods; there was rain and lightning, and I just managed to catch a glimpse of the edge of His garment as it was illuminated by a lightning flash. But then the flash expired, the garment vanished. Or was it possible that the lightning itself was His garment? Still another time, last winter in fact, I saw His footprints in the snow atop a high mountain. A shepherd came by. 'Look, God's footprints!' I said to him. But he replied with a laugh: 'You're out of your mind, poor fellow. Those are a wolfs tracks; a