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lets everyone run over her and who never speaks up — for herself or for anyone else. Five would be a woman who is willing to occasionally speak up for others but not for herself. Ten would be a strong woman who stands courageously with God to become a change agent in her home, her church, and her world.
    The second question to ponder is this: how can God use one of the current challenges in your marriage to move you from a “3” to a “5,” or from a “7” to a “9”?
    Finally, the test ends with this; it requires a simple yes or no answer: Will you allow God to make you stronger by courageously addressing the issues in your marriage and by persevering through the fallout as he guides you?
    It’s my firm belief that the current challenges in your marriage may well be God’s vehicle for you to become the strong woman he created you to be.

Chapter 3: “Be Worthy of Me”
    How God Uses the Weaknesses of Others
to Help Us Grow
     
    B estselling author and historian David McCullough stumbled across a startling letter by John Adams, written to his wife, Abigail, in the heat of the Revolutionary War: “We can’t guarantee success in this war, but we can do something better. We can deserve it.”
    Later, McCullough read another letter, this one by George Washington, which uses the exact same line. He traced the words to a play called Cato . This line summarizes the spirit behind the birth of our country, and it can help modern women reform their marriages. McCullough explains, “That line in the Adams letter is saying that how the war turns out is in the hands of God. We can’t control that, but we can control how we behave. We can deserve success.” 1
    The same principle is true for you in your marriage. You can’t guarantee how everything will turn out; you definitely can’t control another human being. But you can “deserve” success. You can act in such a way that transformation is most likely.
    I want you to think about something: What if your husband’s faults are God’s tools to shape you? What if the very thing that most bugs you about your man constitutes God’s plan to teach you something new? Are you willing to accept that your marriage makeover — the process of moving a man — might begin with you?
    “Be Worthy of Me”
     
    Napoleon Bonaparte’s astounding military success found a rival only in his raging ego. In one letter he chastised his wife, “I insist you have more strength. I am told you are always crying. For shame, that is very bad! . . . Be worthy of me and develop a stronger character. Make a proper show in Paris. . . . If you are always weeping I shall think you have no courage or character. I do not like cowards. An empress should have heart.” 2
    While Napoleon’s condescension both nauseates and offends us, I think he stumbles onto an interesting turn of phrase: “Be worthy of me.” This should be the goal of every husband and wife — a man aspiring to be “worthy” of his wife, and a wife aspiring to be “worthy” of her husband.
    In our self-esteem-obsessed culture, telling someone he or she needs to become “worthy” sounds anathema, but there’s biblical precedence for this. Jesus says that anyone who fails to take up his cross is not worthy of him (Matthew 10:38). Paul asks the Romans to receive Phoebe “in a way worthy of the saints” (Romans 16:2). He urges the Ephesians to live a life “worthy of the calling you have received” (4:1). Saints are urged to be worthy, or commended for being worthy, in Philippians 1:27; Colossians 1:10; 1 Thes salo nians 2:12; 2 Thes salonians 1:11; 3 John 6; and Revelation 3:4.
    This is a clarion call for us to seriously develop deep spiritual roots, to keep cultivating relational skills. We need to search the Scriptures, grow in wisdom, keep praying, and keep developing spiritual insight. With Christ in us and the Holy Spirit transforming us, we really have no excuse for continuing immaturity.
    The apostle Paul charged