Ruby and the Stone Age Diet Read Online Free PDF Page A

with a cultured voice.
    ‘Hello,’ say all the students of all ages also with cultured voices. There is a little screen for me to get undressed behind which always strikes me as strange.
    I have no real idea why the art class needs someone to get undressed to be their model but if they are willing to pay it is fine with me, also they are always very nice to me and sometimes buy me a drink afterwards. In fact, sometimes afterwards they all fall over themselves to talk to me and be pleasant. Possibly they are keen to let me know they do not regard me as being in any way inferior because Ihave been sitting there for two hours being painted with no clothes on.
    Today the teacher puts lots of boxes beside me. I am disappointed. I was hoping for some daffodils. She piles up the boxes a bit like a robot and tells all the students to make their paintings like boxes. Or robots. Or something like that, I am not too clear about it.
    Sitting being painted I am very lonely. I talk to Cis in my head.
    Only another twenty minutes
, I say to her.
Then I’ll be finished. What would you like to do tonight?
I get the feeling that it is unbearable where I am and I want to walk to the other side of the room to see if it is any better there, but as the one thing the art class requires of me is that I stay still this is not possible. A pity, because the other side of the room looks like it might be better.
    I wonder if I should tell the art class my problems. Probably they would not like being interrupted in their painting. Everyone always concentrates hard at the class. Also I realise that being left unhappy by your lover is such a common experience that everyone would just be bored by it.
    Cynthia’s uncontrollable appetite brings her to the attention of the Werewolf King
    The Werewolf King is called Lupus. He is immensely rich, and lives regally in Kensington. He has business connections all overand rakes in money from sex magazines and private mailing companies
.
    When he hears reports about Cynthia eating people he is furious. He hates for his werewolves to eat anyone. Lupus is very keen for werewolves to integrate fully with society. Eating people is disastrous for their image
.
    Lupus is never happy. His wife ran off with a mathematics student from Africa. Since then he has always looked for people or werewolves on whom to take out his anger
.
    He summons his werewolf detectives
.
    ‘
Bring Cynthia to me,’ he instructs them. ‘Preferably alive, although I won’t stretch the point
.’
    They set off on the hunt. It will not take them long to find Cynthia because werewolves are supernaturally good at tracking
.
    After his agents depart Lupus relaxes with a bottle of wine and a copy of Voltaire’s complete works
.

     
     
     
    The goddess responsible for people whose lovers have left them is called Jasmine and she is always very busy. Sometimes she gets out her flaming sword and battles with Afreet the God of Broken Relationships when she sees that he is about to strike. She is hugely compassionate but she has a high failure rate. Her difficult job sometimes makes her turn to drink, and then there are broken hearts everywhere.
    At the end of the art class I get dressed and the teacherbrings out some wine. This is not normal but it seems to be a little celebration for something or other and they all drink wine out of paper cups. When the teacher pours some for me she makes a little wine joke and everybody smiles, but as I have no idea whatsoever what the wine joke is about I just look vacant. Later I have the vague notion that I am pretty dumb compared to these artists who can go around making paintings and wine jokes.
    Afterwards I have to go to Stepney to meet a violent sadist who advertised for me in a contact magazine. He is terrible to me and after he beats and fucks me I am half-dead and have blood all down my back. I do not approve of violent sex.
    ‘I don’t fit in with the art class.’
    ‘You don’t have to fit in,’