Robin in the Hood (Robbin' Hearts Series Book 1) Read Online Free PDF Page A

that had slammed over my head. But my relief at seeing daylight was shattered by the sudden arrival of a dozen orange and honking . . . beaks? All at once, they nipped at my forehead, cheeks and nose until I was practically in tears.
    “Ow! Ow, stop it! Get back, you rotten—”
    “Attack Geese! Attention!”
    A sharp whistle drilled my ears. Instantly, the birds backed off and fell eerily silent.
    Petrified, I swallowed gulps of air to try and calm down. Then I dared to peek my nose out of the hole. Before me stood a grizzled, one-armed man with a gray ponytail and an army-green patch over one eye. A line of white geese were parked in front of him like a row of soldiers. With another shrill blow of his whistle, the birds obediently waddled off into the woods in single file.
    Laughing, the boulder boys high-fived each other and did an awkward, mid-air tummy bump, landing in the mud. They rolled over and grinned like happy pigs. I glanced over at my dad, who was shaking his head like he’d expected as much.
    What?
    Why did my dad seem so casual with all of this?
    “You can call me Colonel,” the old man announced, interrupting my thoughts. He stepped forward and held out his only hand to give me a lift. “You already met my special forces. Finest avian defense squad within a hundred-mile radius.”
    With surprising strength, he jerked me out of the hole and onto my feet in seconds flat. Just as I suspected, I was covered from head to toe with oozing, red gelatin. Curious, I swept a little off my lips with my tongue.
    Strawberry-banana. God, if it wasn’t so damn creepy, I’d actually say it tasted good! But what if I attracted ants?
    “Figure you’ll be wanting a trailer,” the Colonel stroked the stubble on his chin, “for what we like to call an indefinite period of time?”
    Trembling, I nodded, feeling unbearably itchy.
    “Well the only one I got left is back there, in them trees.”
    He motioned to a shadowy and foreboding stretch of woods, the kind Hansel & Gretel and Little Red Riding Hood definitely should not be wandering into. Squinting, I couldn’t make out anything at all, like the trailers had somehow been . . . camouflaged?
    “No guns, no drugs. Period. You got that.”
    It wasn’t a question but a command. The Colonel glared at me with his flinty eyes until I agreed.
    “We got our own style of protecting each other here, as you can see. Anybody who brings in guns or drugs will be hoisted by the TNT Twins’ trebuchet and sent flying till they drop into the middle of Bender Lake. Rent’s due the first of every month, which happens to be next week. I don’t think I gots to explain what will happen if ya don’t pony up your share.”
    I shook my head vigorously.
    “Excellent. Now Justin ’n Jasper, you man the tree stands with your spud cannons in case anybody’s on the prowl for this little lady or the fella she’s with. And Brandi will show you your new digs and help you settle in. Oh, and she’ll give you a map so you don’t fall into any more holes.”
    I breathed a shallow sigh of relief.
    But the old man just glared at me and waited.
    Nervous, I shuffled my feet, feeling gelatin squish between my toes. The silence got really awkward, but his stone gaze wouldn’t let up.
    Honestly, I didn’t have a clue what this guy wanted, or what the rules were in this nightmare fairy tale from hell. All I knew was that the slimy jello inside my bra was starting to make my skin crawl. Finally, it hit me—
    “Oh, th-thank you!” I stuttered, feeling so icky I thought my skin was about to peel off. With a quick downward glance, I was quite certain it was time to kiss my red-stained uniform goodbye.
    The Colonel gave me a little wink before he turned to leave. “My pleasure. By the way, darlin’,” he added, “that pretty car o’ yours sure as hell better not have a tracer.”
    A what? I fretted as he walked away, wringing my hands. He soon disappeared into the woods without looking