Rissa and Tregare Read Online Free PDF Page A

And she's dead set on choosing for me, or at least having veto power."
    "I see." Rissa nodded. "You need time for Ernol to build stature with Liesel before giving hint of your intentions."
    "That's right-but I had to talk with someone! You under-stand?"
    Rissa did not-she was experienced in keeping her own counsel-but she said, "Of course. And in any way I can, I wil help."
    "I was sure you would-wel, almost sure." Sparline stood, gripped Rissa's shoulder a moment, then went to the door. Opening it, she paused and said, "I bet we looked pretty funny, didn't we?" Grinning, she closed the door before Rissa could find answer. it was time, Rissa decided, to come out of her uncommunicative shell. She joined Liesel and Sparline for dinner; at the end of it, Hawkman entered. "I've eaten," he said, but sat for coffee and a liqueur. No one commented on Rissa's bout of seclusion; the conversation touched many subjects, some per-sonal and some business. More than not, Rissa enjoyed it, and afterward found pleasure in the card game, though after an initial spurt of winning she barely broke even.
    "Out of practice," said Hawkman.
    "Perhaps." She did not feel up to joking and left it at that.
    His long arm reached; he touched her wrist. "Are you all right?"
    Feeling wonder at what she did, she took his hand in both of hers and held it to her face. Against her wil, sobs broke forth and would not stop. When the first paroxysm ebbed, she raised her head and shook it, tears streaming, then pressed her face again to his hand as the sobbing racked her. Finaly she was done with it and looked up, blinking.
    "Rissa, girl-what's wrong?" It was Liesel who spoke.
    "It's-all right now," said Rissa. "I did not know what was weighing on me these past days. But now I dp, and it is fin-ished." Hawkman broke in. "What was it, then?"
    "You will not laugh?"
    "Laugh? Of course not!"
    "All right, then-it was that I had not yet grieved for dal Nardo."
    " You what?"
    "Dal Nardo?"
    "Grieved for him?"
    "My father once said that those who kil and do not grieve for kiling wil rot and die of it. I was very young; although the words stayed in my mind, I did not know what he meant. Now I do."
    "But-" Sparline sounded incredulous. "Dal Nardo? I mean, he-"
    As though not hearing, Rissa said, "Once before, only, I kiled-the policebitch, the Commitee's bloodhound at Hok-kaido. But there I had no warning and no choice; she would have taken me back to Welfare. So I did what I did-and never saw her face behind the mask. But stil, briefly, I felt a pang."
    She looked at each of them; none spoke. "But dal Nardo-I did see him-good or bad, he was real. And I did have a choice-I could have changed identities, or run off-planet. But instead I chose to challenge and to kill.''
    She saw raised eyebrows and shook her head. "It has noth-ing to do with what he was or his intent toward me. I chose his death, so I must bear its weight. Perhaps of Blaise Tendal's also, to some extent. And until now I had not done so." She tried to laugh, but failed. "None of you understand? Then I suppose you think me deranged." Liesel said, "No, child, you're sane enough-maybe too sane for your own good. No-my thought is, damned few people can be trusted with power. I think you may be one of them."
    Sparline: "I've always avoided killing; maybe now I see why."
    And Hawkman, his hand still gripped between Rissa's, said, "I wish I'd known your father. He sounds like a man who knew a lot of truth."
    For a moment, Rissa had to clench her teeth-she would not cry again. She squeezed Hawkman's hand and released it; in-voluntarily she sighed. "Well, then, thank you for hearing me out. I had not intended to parade my feelings-for that I apologize. I-"
    Lips pursed, Liesel made a rude sound. "Stop it! You don't have to put your armor back together this late at night. Either let me pour you a nightcap- I'm having one-or trundle off."
    Rissa stared. "I-I will have the nightcap, thank you."
    "That's better. All around?"