Rhythm of Us: Book 2 Of The Fated Hearts Series Read Online Free PDF Page A

The last thing I needed was to get involved with a guy, no matter how great he was. I had my recovery to focus on and I had lost faith in my own judgment after my last relationship. Besides, it was pretty arrogant to think that someone like him would want a fuck-up like me.
    I’d come a very long way in a few short months, I knew that, but I still had a long way to go in my recovery. I didn’t find myself craving Ecstasy or weed as much anymore, but I still hadn’t forgiven myself for my role in my own downfall. I battled self-hatred far more than I battled temptation to drugs and I needed to find a way to come to peace with myself. If I didn’t, I’d be stuck in my dark, stagnant past forever.
    What hurt the most was losing my ability to write music. My brain was completely silent of new lyrics and melodies and had been ever since I returned to LA last June. Gray and Chase came to my rescue when they were in LA last April on a business trip. I was a hot fucking mess at that point and I hadn’t even been taking drugs then. The drug usage didn’t start until I foolishly let my bandmates guilt trip me into coming back, not to mention the threats Damien made if I didn’t return. I boarded a flight to LA last June, but landed in hell instead. I let the drugs numb my pain and misery, but only ended up hurting myself even more in the long run. I hated the out of control way I felt when I was high and I hated myself even more for being weak and allowing Damien to mistreat me.
    Damien watched my every goddamned move, so attending counseling sessions to get clean wasn’t a possibility for me. I found an online counseling site and connected with a sponsor who agreed to chat with me online and exchange emails. I started cutting back on the Ecstasy a little at a time until I was clean. I would fake my high around my bandmates; they were too fucked up to notice.
    When I rejoined the band, I swore to myself that I wouldn’t allow anything sexual to happen between Damien and me again, but I gave in to him the first night I took Ecstasy, or Vitamin E as Damien called it. I knew better than to start taking that shit, but I just wanted to get lost in the euphoric high it gave me. I had started to spiral into a depression once I returned to LA and E gave me a break from the darkness. Damien promised me he’d ease up on his jealousy and possessiveness, but the verbal abuse only got worse as soon as I gave in to him again.
    He had been consumed by thoughts of me with other men the entire two months I was away from him and the band. There were some nights after my return that he went on such violent fits that I actually feared for my life, but he never physically hit me until the night he learned about my sponsor, Kevin Smithson, after going through my phone and email while I performed onstage. That was the night that Damien Diamond went too far and I left the band for good.
    Thump. Thump. Thump. My heart pounded in my chest, but more from the painful memories than exertion from running. I needed to get my mind on healthier things and people instead of drugs and Damien. Try as I might, I couldn’t keep Ben’s image out of my head. The sounds he made when he lovingly caressed Midnight Mistress made my dick hard enough to drill through concrete. I was so turned on by the time I got to his house that I couldn’t even look at him. Why the fuck did I offer to drive him to his car?
    Physically, I felt better than I had in years. I started working out every time I craved drugs. All of the exercise and healthy living had a side effect I hadn’t anticipated though, it made me horny as hell and all I wanted to do was fuck. I’d always had a healthy appetite for sex, but this went beyond anything I was used to. Throw in being closed inside a car with Ben for fifteen minutes and I nearly jerked my dick raw after I got home from his house. Just like that, my hard-on was back in full force. Damn it! My dick didn’t care if Ben was straight or