Retief-Ambassador to Space Read Online Free PDF Page A

toadies."
     
     "I
propose we build a dam too," someone said quickly.
     
     "Wonderful
notion," the Economic Officer rumbled. "About to suggest it
myself—"
     
     "Say,
Charlie, you're hitting right in there this morning," a First Secretary
offered. There were clucks and chuckles of admiration from the rest of the
staff. Treadwater waited for the approbation to die down.
     
     "The
dam constructed by the Groaci engineers at the point where the river loops
briefly into North Skweem," he purred, "has not only crippled South
Skweeman commerce, but has effected a drought which is rapidly starving our
brave allies into an advanced state of malnutrition, complicated by dust storms.
Add to this the unfortunate flooding of that portion of the nation's farmland
lying above the dam and we see, gentlemen, a striking example of creative
public relations—unhappily, in the service of the opposition. Now—" he
smiled thinly at the group— "will someone kindly tell me what possible
detriment would accrue to our rivals if I were so ill-advised as to construct
still another navigational hazard in what was once this nation's main artery of
communication!" His voice rose to an apoplectic bellow on the last words.
No one volunteered a reply.
     
     A
junior Third Secretary raised a hand timidly. Treadwell blinked expectantly.
     
     "Ah
... sir. The dam is creating a sizable lake, I understand. What do the Groaci
have in mind doing with all that water?"
     
     "Eh?
Do? Nothing, of course!" the Ambassador snapped. "The entire project
was designed merely to harass me! Or rather, us! The proud and independent
populace of South Skweem, that is to say!"
     
     "Oh."
The young man subsided.
     
     "Well,
then," the Ambassador went on, icily calm now. "Let us try again,
gentlemen, avoiding, if possible, the idiotic."
     
     "Well,
Mr. Ambassador, Project Proposals are a tricky proposition," the quavering
voice of the elderly Press Attache offered. "There was quite a row kicked
up in certain journals concerning that hundred-man bird bath the CDT built for
the Quornt before we discovered they were allergic to water. And it will be
quite a while before we live down the shoe factory we gave the Jaq, since they
seem to have no feet to speak of. And there was a certain amount of criticism
of—"
     
     "I'm
well aware of the history of the fiasco, as practiced by my colleagues,"
Treadwater cut him off glacially. "It is precisely for that reason that I
am determined to present to Sector Headquarters a Proposal which will bear
microscopic scrutiny, farce-wise. Now, thinking caps, men! I needn't remind you
that we are caught between the mortar of Groaci expansionism and the pestle of
Corps policy. If the government to which we are accredited is not starved out
from under us, we still face an unfilled Project Quota."
     
     "Damned
awkward, sir," Colonel Pluckwyn murmured. "Couldn't we just give the
beggars a touch of the old quirt? A small fractional megatonner, say, just to
teach 'em their manners."
     
     "Bomb
Headquarters?" Treadwater looked astonished.
     
     "Actually
I was thinking of the North Skweemans, sir, but your suggestion has
merit—"
     
     "Colonel,
I think you'd better report to the dispensary after Staff Meeting, for skull
X-rays," Treadwater said bleakly. "I suspect the plates will come out
blank. Now, let's move along to Mr. Magnan's report." The Ambassador
glanced expectantly over the seated diplomats.
     
     "Magnan?
Where is the fellow, drat it!" The Ambassadorial eye fixed on Retief.
"You, there. What's-your-name. Magnan's your chief, I believe. Where the
devil is he?"
     
     "Mr.
Magnan failed to confide in me, Your Excellency," Retief said.
     
     "Didn't
your Excellency send him over to call on the Groaci Ambassador?" Dimplick
queried.
     
     "Of
course," Treadwater agreed. "I instructed him to unobtrusively scout
out the effects of the new dam under cover of the protocol visit. It is that on
which I wish his