Reparation Read Online Free PDF Page B

freakin’
travesty.
    When I come out of
the bathroom, Matt is lying in my bed. His chest is bare, and the
covers are pulled up to his waist. I know him well enough to know
that he’s completely naked underneath. He loves to sleep in the
buff.
    Although I’m
drunk, I still have enough of my wits to enjoy the hotness of Matt
Fucking Connover in my bed. He looks like perfection lying there.
    I crawl over him to
reach my side, wrestling my way under the covers and collapse beside
him in a fit of giggles. Scooting closer to him, I put my head on his
chest while his arm comes around to hold me close. Reaching out to
the lamp beside the bed, he turns it off and plunges us into total
darkness.
    And as always
happens when you’ve had too much alcohol and the inhibitions
are completely obliterated, I lay it all out on the line.
    “Hey, Matt?”
I whisper loudly. Really, really loudly.
    “Yeah.”
    “I think I
love you.”
    I’m met with
silence, but he squeezes me in response. I wait for something else,
but he remains quiet.
    “I’ll
probably regret saying that tomorrow, but I just had to say it.”
    “You won’t
remember it tomorrow, Mac.”
    “Yes, I will,”
I assure him with confidence. “I may not remember telling you,
but I will remember I love you. That’s just not something I can
forget.”
    He leans over and
glides his lips over my forehead. “You’re something else,
Mac.”
    His words are soft
and genuine. He is not displeased by my proclamation. I may not get
the words back in return, but I know that our relationship just got a
little deeper.

There have been many
times over the last several weeks that I’ve been nervous in my
relationship with Matt. The first time we met and I stripped in front
of him, my first day of work when I realized he was my boss, and my
drunken proclamation that I loved him.
    Yes, those were all
moments of extreme apprehension.
    And yet, none of
them compared to the way I feel right this moment before I knock on
his apartment door.
    Matt has Gabe this
weekend. It wasn’t his regularly scheduled visitation, but his
ex-wife called him late last night and asked if he could take him.
She apparently wanted to take an impromptu weekend trip with her new
boy toy.
    Of course, Matt
jumped all over it. If there is one thing I’ve come to know
about Matt, he loves Gabe beyond all measure. His entire reason for
living is that little boy.
    I was in no way
disappointed when he told me last night—Friday night—that
he had to go pick up Gabe and wouldn’t be able to see me. I had
just been packing up my briefcase with some weekend work when he had
come into my office to give me the bad news.
    Except… it
wasn’t bad news. When he told me he needed to forsake me in
favor of Gabe, I was genuinely happy for him and I made sure he knew
that. He gave me a soft kiss goodbye and murmured, “I’m
not sure I deserve you.”
    Those words alone
made it all worthwhile.
    But then Matt called
me this morning—Saturday—and asked if I wanted to go with
him and Gabe to Coney Island for the afternoon.
    I had asked, “Are
you sure, Matt? You want me to meet Gabe?”
    He never even
hesitated. “Absolutely.”
    But now the
nervousness abounds because, holy hell… what if Gabe hates me?
If he hates me, there is no future for Matt and me… no matter
how good the sex is.
    With moist palms, I
knock on the door and, when it opens, I’m staring at a little
miniature Matt. Dark brown hair and soft amber eyes. He smiles at me
and, woe to his future girlfriends, he even has Matt’s dimples.
    “Hi,”
Gabe says. “Dad says come on in. He’s just finishing up
some work.”
    “Thanks,”
I tell him as I walk into the apartment, and he shuts the door behind
me. “I’m McKayla. But you can call me Mac. All my best
friends do.”
    “Want to play
Wii bowling with me?” he asks, not even acknowledging my name
but instead, focusing on what’s really important to little
boys.
    Before I can even
answer, I’m