Remembering Hell Read Online Free PDF Page A

Miller not only looks shocked to see me on this side
of the pearly gates, he looks as if he may have a heart attack and die for the
second time. Mrs. Miller tries to force a small smile at me, but her dislike is
obvious as well.
    “So…” I say, embarrassed. “I guess
there is no chance that you have forgotten me.”
    The only time I ever met the
Millers when we were all breathing was at Linda’s wedding. The aforementioned
rehearsal dinner where I got inebriated and spoken my mind, and the next day
where I showed up in a different dress than planned. The dress I was supposed
to wear was designed to make me streamlined and color coordinated with the
flowers and sophisticated decor. The dress I showed up in was designed to make
me look like a deranged circus clown on shore leave. There was a method to my
madness, of course...but I’m sure the Millers were never made aware. Thus, my
cemented role as the bad influence, riff-raff of a best pal to their new
daughter-in-law was following me beyond the grave.
    “I’m sure it’s all fine, dear.
Please do join us. It really is a glorious occasion!” says Mrs. Miller, shaking
off any bad feelings. Not that hearing that my best friend’s stupid last act
that has sent her to the depths of despair and anguish being described as
glorious doesn’t make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and twist a
bit, but I get what she is saying. Today is glorious for her, and Mr. Miller,
and everyone else who loves Hank and is so relieved that he is finally here.
That is the best thing about Heaven. There really is very little consideration
about how one dies, how young or old they are, etc. The things that occupy our
minds as living creatures, and as survivors to those who have gone before just
doesn’t even ping on the meter here. Hank is home, and that is cause for
celebration. So, with that in mind, I take Mrs. Miller’s arm and escort her
into her son’s welcoming.
    “That’s right,” I say with a big
smile. “We are all in this together now!”
    Hank is in the center of the room,
looking so much older than he did the last time I was face to face with him,
but seeming much more alert and spry than he seemed at the end of his days. He
is laughing at something a younger looking man just said to him. He turns and
says “I don’t remember you being such a card, Grandpa!” Then he laughs again.
“Of course, I lost you when I was three, right?” That is the other thing about
Heaven. You can’t tell who is what age or how they may be related. The young
ingénue may in fact be the great aunt of the old woman she is sitting next to.
I laugh out loud as I think, for probably the millionth time in the last twenty
years, I love being here! And I feel a small twinge in the center of my belly
as I realize I just volunteered to not be here most of the time for the
foreseeable future.
    When Hank spots his mom and dad his
emotions get the better of him. I step back and stand next to my own father.
“How long has it been since he has seen them?” I ask Dad.
    “For his dad about forty years. His
mom went a few years after that, I think,” he replies. “Good, long lives, both
of them.” He looks down at me and there is a touch of sadness behind his smile.
I don’t know if that is a memory he is reliving about my death, or the fact
that he had to wait an additional thirty years before we could have this kind
of reunion due to my stint down under, or finally perhaps he is thinking of
Linda too. I reach over and squeeze him tight. We are in mid-embrace when, if you
will pardon the expression, all hell breaks loose.
    “Louise? Louise Patterson? Is that
you?” Hank says as he rushes at me like a running back on a football field. I
take a step back, not sure what to expect.
    “Hello, Hank,” I say cautiously.
“It’s so nice to—” That is all I can blurt out before he reaches me and wraps
his meaty arms around me, squeezing my breath completely from my body.
    “Louise, I