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if Jem is coming back, wanting to talk, but she is still standing at the far end, her head nuzzled into her right shoulder. Who is it?
    I turn back to face the dining hall, only to see Tonya almost upon me. “All alone out here? Want some company to keep you warm, Nate?” she asks, licking her lips and winking.
    “No thanks, Tonya. I just want to be alone right now.” She sits down anyway, rubbing her toned thigh against mine. I feel uncomfortable. I want to move, but I don’t want Jem to see me getting up from Tonya’s side, so I stay seated.
    “Nate, why do you keep running after that two-bit country girl like a lost puppy when you could have a woman like me?” I look at Tonya, surprised at the question and her boldness. “You had me once, sugar. Don’t you want me again?”
    “Look, Tonya, I know we had…fun…when we were younger, but I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t want that life. I want—”
    Before I can even finish my sentence, Tonya is on top of me, pushing her lips against mine. “Tonya, get off!” I push her off of me, trying not to hurt her but being firm and calm. She laughs at me and stands up. Her dress is rumpled and I know it will raise questions when she returns to the dinner.
    “It’s a shame, Nate. We could have been great, you know,” she says, then saunters back inside. I am trying to gather myself but in the distance I hear a sob and the sound of someone running across the wooden deck. Jem saw everything! Oh, shit. This has ruined my chance!
    My mind reels. She runs past me, her dress lifting slightly in the breeze to show her thighs, but I can see she doesn’t care about modesty right now. She’s upset and angry. Nothing will work out between us now that Tonya put on that display. “Jem! Wait! Let me explain!” I call, but it’s too late. Jem is already inside and being comforted by the new girl, Lola.
    I slump back down onto the bench. The night has gone as badly as I hoped it wouldn’t and all I can think is how badly I want a drink right now.

    T he dinner is over , thankfully, and now I can sit in my room and brood in peace. I turn the TV on and flick through the channels, finding Lifetime. I leave it on for white noise and eventually feel my eyes closing, heavy and tired.
    Sometime later I wake suddenly, hearing familiar intro music, and turn sleepily toward the TV set to see what has roused me. Freedom Bound is playing as the late-night film.
    “Oh, god,” I groan, throwing the soft duvet off and searching for the remote. It has fallen down onto the floor and I lean over, grabbing it and pushing the Off button furiously. I can’t deal with those memories right now. Not after what happened with Jem and Tonya tonight. I let the remote slide back onto the carpet and fall onto the pillows behind me. I feel drained and alone, and I wish I had declined the offer to perform on this cruise, but Paul can be a real dog with a bone when he sets his mind to things.
    I lay awake for about ten minutes, then my eyes droop and my body becomes heavy with sleep. Thankfully, it is dreamless.

    I wake the next morning feeling slightly better and refreshed. Today is the first day of practice before my performance and I’m tingling a little with excitement. I love being onstage, even for sound checks, and I can’t wait to get started. I hope I don’t have to dress like an accountant for the show, though.
    I make my way to the bathroom and splash water on my face to wake myself up. My eyes are still fuzzy from sleep but the cool water helps and I feel more alert. I brush my teeth then reach for the razor and shaving cream, comforted by the calming ritual of shaving and lathering. After my face is clean of stubble, I sprinkle some musky aftershave onto my palms and tap it onto my skin. I may look like a bad boy, but I smell like a Wall Street banker. I remember how Jem used to like the smell of Old Spice because it reminded her of her grandfather. She bought me an expensive