online to see whatâs allowed in most programs.â
His green eyes kindled with a warmth that tightened my stomach, every time. âThatâs amazing, thank you.â Patting his inner jacket pocket, he added, âI got her a watch, for basically the same reason.â
He led the way out to his Mustang and opened the door for me. I hopped in, restraining my anxiety. This was about as far from normal as any meet-the-parents scenario could be. Somewhere between the facility and my apartment, Kian touched my knee, telling me silently that it would be fine. Weirdly, my tension dissolved. Given his penchant for trouble, he shouldnât be able to reassure me like that, but my nervous system was gullible, apparently.
It was snowing slightly when we pulled into the parking lot. I didnât know what I expected, but this place was fairly nondescript, a historic building that had obviously been renovated. A brass plaque on the front read SHERBROOK HOUSE . Yeah, even the name wouldnât tell you what they did here. Kian opened the door and stepped into a tasteful reception area. Behind, there was a bank of elevators.
âIâm here to see my mother,â he told the woman behind the desk. âRiley? I should be on the list.â
She checked her records, then handed us guest passes, which we clipped on. âGo up to the fifth floor and check in. The floor attendant will show you to the common room.â
Nodding, I thanked her and went with Kian, who was fidgeting, tugging at his shirt collar as we waited for the elevator. He offered a sheepish smile when he laced our fingers together.
âHypocritical, I know.â
âHas it been a while?â
He nodded. âWe talk on the phone sometimes. But she mostly calls when she needs to get into a new program.â
âAnd so here we are,â I said as the doors opened.
He was quiet in the elevator, and as I watched, his shoulders squared. I could practically see him bracing for some kind of damage, and I tensed in sympathy. My free hand tightened so the nails bit into my palm. It couldnât be easy to watch someone you loved fail, time and again. Dashed hope must cut him up inside, until he was afraid to believe anymore.
âYou okay?â I asked.
âWhen I see her number, Iâm never sure if itâs her,â he said quietly. âSometimes itâs neighbors, friends wanting me to know sheâs strung out. And ⦠Iâm always afraid when the phone rings in the middle of the night. Itâs like ⦠I donât even expect her to get better anymore, and Iâm waiting to hear sheâs finally checked out.â
âOh, man.â I wished I could think of something better to say. Heâd never opened up quite this much before, and his words made me think he must feel like heâd already lost her, along with the rest of his family. âYou miss her.â
His throat worked. âYeah. I really do.â
I held him for a few seconds, until the elevator doors opened. By the time we stepped out, he was calm and collected, striding toward the check-in desk. We signed the visitor log, showed our passes, and then let the lady inspect our gifts. She seemed relieved that we werenât trying to give Mrs. Riley contraband. With the details sorted, she ushered us into the lounge, where a few people were already sitting with their visitors. All of the inpatients had on pajamas or some version of comfy clothes, like sweats.
Since I didnât know how Mrs. Riley looked, I waited for Kian to head toward her. First thing I noticed, she was painfully thin with big, haunted eyes; heâd gotten the green irises from her. Her hair was dull, badly dyed an inky black that made her skin look even more sallow. Her cheekbones were pronounced, as was her chin, and her mouth was pale and chapped, raw even, as if sheâd been biting at her lips. Without makeup, she looked older than I expected, deep
Arnold Nelson, Jouko Kokkonen