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to figure out what went wrong so it won’t happen
     again. But screaming and freaking out will only take you further away from your goal of working things out. Losing it will
     intimidate people and push them away, which is counterproductive to what you are trying to achieve. The truth is that no one
     wants to work with a screamer, and that kind of negative energy never does any good for anyone.
    When you take some time to get in touch with your feelings and you can hear yourself think, consider both the short-term and
     the long-term repercussions of any decision you might make. Ask yourself, What will this decision mean to me tomorrow, five
     days from now, five weeks from now, or five years from now? No matter the nature of the decision you need to make, go with
     your intuition. If it feels right, go with it. If it doesn’t, walk away.
    I once knew a woman who had five psychics at the ready whenever she needed advice. If the first one didn’t tell her what she
     wanted to hear, she called the second one, and so on. At the end, she was still confused and she had no ability to make her
     own decisions.
    Not that you should be isolated and never check with anyone else. Sometimes after you make a decisionthat feels right, you might want to clarify by checking with a smart friend who really knows you, understands your situation,
     and absolutely will tell you the truth. For the most part, however, when you go inside and trust yourself, you’ll be amazed
     at how much easier decisions become. When you stay calm and take all the elements into consideration, a confusing situation
     will generally turn out a lot better than you might expect!

C HAPTER 2
Be Someone Others Want to Be Around
    W hen I graduated from Hollins University in 1975, I didn’t know what I wanted to do next, and neither did most of my friends.
     Back then, we really didn’t plan our careers like college students do now. In fact, when I think back about my childhood,
     we didn’t plan much. It was a sign of the times for girls to think more in terms of jobs than careers, and it all followed
     a somewhat logical plan, with marriage and children usually being the end goal.
    But I was a little different. When I graduated from college, I wanted to leave home and work. My mom would have preferred
     for me to settle down in Jackson, Michigan, where she and Dad were living. But that didn’t appeal to me. I had already lived
     in Paris and I wanted to move away and live on my own—despite a terrifying experience.
    It was during my junior year when I joined a program called Hollins Abroad, an opportunity to spend a year in Paris and study
     art, which was my passion. I went to Paris with two friends, Torrey and Cynthia, and we all lived in the home ofa lovely French family. I got pretty fluent in the language and I felt very grown-up, being on my own for the first time and
     traveling all around the city on the metro.
    One afternoon, I was thrilled to meet Thomas, a cool American guy who suggested he and I meet at
La
Madeleine, a famous Roman Catholic church, to hear some music. I should have asked him to pick me up or meet me at my place
     so I wouldn’t have to travel alone through the streets of Paris. Our dean at Hollins had warned us to be careful about being
     tricked and abducted, and he suggested we always travel with someone else.
    Still, I threw caution to the wind. I hailed a cab by myself and got in.
“L’église Madeleine, s’il vous plaît,”
I said in French, feeling very cosmopolitan. As the cabdriver began to ask me questions in French, I felt proud of myself
     that I could answer him—until the nature of his questions began to concern me.
    “What are you doing here in Paris?” he started quite innocently.
    “I’m going to school,” I answered him in French.
    “Do you live in a dorm?” he asked. What business was that of his?
    “No,” I answered quickly. “I live with a family.”
    “Do they wait up for you?” he wanted to