Premeditated Read Online Free PDF Page A

with you, but sometimes it helps to get an outside perspective.”
    But what do you do when you
are
the outside perspective?
    I was the intruder. I was the one who didn’t fit, and apparently all my effort at remaking myself into a typical prep-girl had flamed out. Starting conversations wasn’t something I did naturally. I stuck with the friends I’d had since grade school, even after I moved out of state. Tabs, Brucey, and I talked more online than I did to anyone in Oregon (despite my mother’s best attempts to pair me off with every new acquaintance she deemed worth my time and hers).
    Why couldn’t I do this? People did this every day. Claire did this—easier than anyone I’ve ever seen. I just had to figure out the mechanics and apply them.
    “What do you want to know?” I asked.
    “Anything,” he said. “Something simple. I know you don’t like pink, so what else are you hiding under that blazer?”
    “I refuse to be held responsible for my actions if you ask me my favorite color.”
    I didn’t get to find out if he thought that was funny or not. The bell rang, signaling the start of class, and Mr. Tripp called for attention. At least he was interesting to watch; male teachers with ponytails certainly weren’t the sort of people I assumed I’d be stuck with at Lowry.
    “Tell me why you got rid of the nose ring,” Dex whisperedwhile Mr. Tripp was busy trying to set up a large easel for his whiteboard.
    “Because it’s against the dress code.”
    “But why didn’t you keep the metal and go back to Ninth Street? Wouldn’t you have been happier there?”
    Dex had this way of talking that made it impossible not to pay attention to him. He wasn’t what I’d call handsome, but he was … 
captivating
. Maybe that’s the word. The tone of his voice was like listening to someone with perfect pitch. I know it sounds stupid to say it like that, but it’s true. You couldn’t sit close to him and not feel better.
    Most people look at you, or past you, when you speak to them, but Dex looked me straight in the eye. We must have blinked at the same times, because I never noticed him move at all. It was unnerving, and after a while, I didn’t have to pretend all those butterflies were flitting around in my stomach. I could have puked monarchs.
    “What does it matter?” I asked.
    “It doesn’t.” He shrugged and took up my habit of picking grass. “I just wondered why your parents sent you here.”
    “They didn’t mail me—I asked to come back.”
    “You didn’t want to move to Oregon in the first place, did you?”
    “I begged them to let me stay with my aunt and uncle.” If we hadn’t moved away, I’d have been here when Claire needed me. I dug my heel into the ground until the dirt showed through, ruining the green perfection of the lawn. “Claire’s the closest thing I have to a sister.”
    “Claire’s your cousin?”
    “Yeah.”
    “Pretty name. I like it.” He smiled as though there were a good memory attached to his words.
    “You’d like her, too.” Everyone did. “When my uncle called about her being in the hospital, Dad flew me back, first thing.”
    “Just your dad?”
    “Mom doesn’t do well with hospitals.”
    Dex nodded idly, as though he understood, but he couldn’t. The only way to understand my mother and the poison cloud that rises from her presence is to experience it firsthand. Dex didn’t deserve that for being nice to me.
    I obliterated a flower that had the misfortune of growing close enough for me to reach. It was a weed, so I was sure no one cared.
    “Dad said I could stay here if I wanted, and my aunt and uncle had already paid Claire’s tuition for the year, so I asked if I could come to Lowry instead of Ninth Street. Going to school here makes me feel closer to her.”
    “She was a student here?”
    “This was supposed to be her first year. Uncle Paul came into some money, and she’s definitely smart enough to fit in here. He thought she’d