Posh and Prejudice Read Online Free PDF Page A

was saying. “I’m so proud of what you’ve done, love. And so proud
     that you’re carrying on at school to get some A-Levels!”
    “’Ere, and not only A-Levels,” butted in Barney all proud like. “Then off to university to do a business studies degree or
     something! Before you know it you could be running the whole bloody company! Give your old dad some time off with his newspaper!”
    Maria and Barney both looked quite choked up then.
    “Yeah,” Carrie said, then she gave them both a kiss and we all raised our glasses of Moet and Chambum champagne, which is
     this well posh stuff that Barney always gets out on special occasions which is well dear but always makes my breath taste
     like sick.
    “Cheers everybody.” Maria smiled, showing her sparkly white teeth that she’s just had Da Vinci veneers put on.
    “Up yer bums!” shouted Barney, raising his glass.
    Me and Carrie went upstairs afterward and we lay on her bed and watched
Yo Momma!
on MTV and Carrie pulled out my “straggler” eyebrows and pushed back my cuticles with a hard stick. And let’s just say she
     weren’t as lively as I’d be if Barney Draper had just said I could have his whole bloody company. Maybe she’s on her period.

THURSDAY 4TH SEPTEMBER
    Cava-Sue and Lewis have changed their travel plans. They were going to fly to Vietnam on December 1st then stay there for
     the magical festival of Moonyflunkcock (I reckon that’s what she said, I was earwigging on her cell phone call). Then they’re
     moving on to Thailand afterward to check out some waterfalls and temples. Cava-Sue says she needs to leave Britain so she
     can really “challenge her Western world ways of perception.”
    After Thailand they’re going to Australia to meet their mate Pixie ’cos apparently the pubs there are great.
    What’s messed all this up is that Lewis’s mother, Vera, has told them she won’t be able to give them a loan as planned ’cos
     the profits in her pub ain’t up to much at the moment. Cava-Sue has been ringing around for a credit card but no one wants
     to give her one. Cava-Sue says they’ll have to put back their departure date to February now.
    My mother says that’ll give Cava-Sue and Lewis time to “travel” to the Ilford job center and “check out the magical festival
     of cold hard work.” We all laughed for ages when she said that except for Cava-Sue, who burst into tears.

FRIDAY 5TH SEPTEMBER
    I was walking home from work tonight down Thundersley Road well buzzing ’cos after tomorrow I’ll only be working at Mr. Yolk
     on Saturdays. Believe me, eight hours a week is too long to spend with Mario. Especially when you’re the bloody negotiator
     between him and the Great British public who are trying to change bits of his set breakfasts. “No, Shirelle!” he moans at
     me. “Tell them they NO have mushrooms instead of beans! Set Breakfast C come with beans! I no their slave! They eat what Mr.
     Yolk serve! Set Breakfast C is perfect combination of item. I not mess about with it!!”
    So anyway, I’m nearly home tonight and I see Clinton Brunton-Fletcher with his red hair shaved coming toward me on the pavement
     on a BMX that’s well too small for him like it must be jacked off some young kid. He’s not really looking where he’s going,
     then he spots me and goes “Shizz” and I’m like, “All right, Clint.” And then he blasts off down the road and next I hear Uma’s
     voice screaming after him, “Cliiiiiiinton! You ain’t leaving me in here with all that stuff!” But there was no point as he
     was well gone.
    I looked down the road and Uma was standing in her front garden which is looking even more dodgy than ever these days ’cos
     it now actually has a fridge and sofa in it and the hedge has been burned down.
    “Y’all right, Shizza,” Uma shouted to me.
    “Y’all right, Uma.” I shouted back. I didn’t want to walk down and chat with her but I knew if I didn’t it would get all blown
     up