Plain Fear: Forgiven: A Novel Read Online Free PDF

did it feel as if hope had shriveled? She’d placed her hope in one and lost him. She wouldn’t be so foolish again. But had she also lost her faith? No, of course not. Perhaps she’d dropped the harness of obedience, as her father often said when disciplining one of his children. She searched her memory and her heart for something she’d done, something she’d said, something she’d thought…some rebelliousness, disobedience, or unimaginable sin.
    Her constricting thoughts bound her. Jealousy of her sister; her best friend, Rose; and even Hannah Fisher tightened its hold on her and proved she was full of sin. She should be happy for Grace, who had told Naomi and Mother she was expecting a baby, her first. Of course, Naomi hugged and congratulated Grace even as she felt her throat tighten. She should be happy for Rose too, who had whispered to Naomi that her father was planting extra celery this spring, which could only mean Rose was planning a fall wedding with Adam Borntreger. Then Hannah Fisher’s mother, Marta, had chatted unceasingly about Hannah’s newborn twins.
    Everyone knew the heartache the Schmidts had suffered last year when Hannah’s sister Rachel disappeared, then returned to marry an Englisher of all things. Marta had been heartbroken. But now she had such joy, and Naomi should rejoice with her. But all of the happy news had felt like broken glass inside Naomi’s chest.
    To make matters worse, Marta had confided to Naomi that Hannah needed a helper with her twin boys and asked if Naomi would be willing to do so. Of course, Levi would pay. It would be a worthy task, and yet the thought of it brought tears to the surface again. She sniffed back her resentment. Maybe she needed humbling. She vowed she would do her best to help Hannah. Maybe then God would open a new door for her. Maybe this was preparation for what she hoped—to be a mother one day. Or maybe it was a consolation prize and she would only be a helper, never truly worthy.
    Pen touched paper once more.
    My God knows
    What I cannot
    My heart prays
    My soul groans.

Chapter Six
    Andi Mitchell huddled inside her coat and stared at the downtown Cincinnati public library. What was Samuel doing here of all places? Since he’d broken off with her a few months back, he hadn’t contacted her. Not once. But she couldn’t stop thinking of her farm boy. She missed him more than she’d ever imagined. But she never would have thought he’d go to a library. What was he looking for? The Kama Sutra ?
    Smiling at the idea, she thought of what else she could teach him. Or maybe by now, he could teach her. He’d been nothing more than a boy toy when they’d first met and she’d seduced him. Seduced was probably too strong of a word, as it hadn’t taken more than a few winks and flirtatious suggestions to get him into bed. He’d been young, inexperienced, right off the farm, but a quick learner. Over the months, however, her feelings for him had grown. There was something about him that she’d found missing in every man she’d ever known. At first it had been hard to identify the missing quality. Was it innocence? Naïveté? Honesty? He had strength, not just of bone and joint and muscle but character, and something she’d rarely come across in others—integrity.
    He’d lost his brother early last fall and had broken up with her. She’d thought he needed time to sort things out and grieve. But he hadn’t come back.
    She suspected he’d found some sweet Amish girl to keep him busy. Or maybe he’d gotten baptized and married. He’d told her how kids married at a young age in his district. Worried that he’d actually jumped off that cliff, she’d gone to his house way back in Harmony Hollow, parked down the lane, and watched for him. It hadn’t been easy waiting, but finally he’d come tearing down the drive on his motorcycle, making her heart flutter once again with longing, and she’d followed him. When he’d driven over the covered