Pirates to Pyramids: Las Vegas Taxi Tales Read Online Free PDF Page B

about them. Then it hit me. They were talking all at once.
     
    This is odd because guys don't talk this way, especially tired, drunk or recently drunk guys who have been out all night. Girls can do this because they are congenial, convivial or whatever they are, but not guys. Guys are too competitive, derisive and bitingly funny. They like, no, they love to cut each other. They listen to everything said and then they pounce, one at a time. They play off each others' comments, unmercifully, whether in defense or offense. They don't care which.
     
    These guys were different and it was obvious something had happened to them. So when one of them asked the others, "should we tell the cab driver?" my ears perked up and my mind said, aha I knew it. They agreed so I quieted down my suspicions, turned up my listening and heard one all-time Vegas story.
     
    The pace quickened as he shared that they were from NY and they had a friend in the porn industry. Since the Porn Industry Convention was in town this week they had asked him for a favor: could he set something up?
     
    The story went on that two female porn film stars came knocking on their door early last night. The guys had offered them dinner, but the ladies declined. They had said they other plans.
     
    The girls said, "So let’s get to it. Where do you want us? And how many guys are there?
     
    “ Eleven", he said.
     
    “ Eleven?" I said.
     
    They had five rooms of guys. The two porn stars disrobed and called the boys in to consummate the "gift". Having been told to get moving the boys quickly followed orders and lined up in the one room.
     
    Naked.
     
    This is when the eleven guys found out the most important missing ingredient in their fantasy: privacy. Evidently, this would not have been a porn movie in any of their dreams because they were all "unprepared." And try as they did, they could not get prepared. They had never performed in front of an audience.
     
    Now they knew why male porn stars got paid.
     
    The cab went silent. They waited for me, their friendly, experienced cab driver to give them sage advice or words of support. Sorry about that. My mental rolodex of life experiences was spinning. I had nothin’. Big help I was. Not knowing anything else to say I heard myself ask sympathetically,
     
    "None of you… could represent?"
     
    Evidently, one stout fellow finally managed to "raise the flag" with the help of some friction.
    One, out of eleven.
     
    All I could manage was, “one day you will look back on this and laugh."
    (Maybe just before you die, I thought).
     
    A lone forlorn voice in the back seat said, "To make it all worse, we sent one of the guys to get the camera; so now it's all recorded."
     
    Blood came out of my cheeks where I bit down. This just kept getting better, I thought sarcastically. Stony silence took over the cab where there was a din of noise earlier. We all chose a different window to look out, wishing for our innocence again. One of them finally spoke.
     
    "So, we are all sworn to secrecy and, after all, who is gonna talk about this, right?"
     
    My mind screamed," that one guy is gonna talk."
    I tasted blood again, from my tongue
 
    As they emptied out of the cab at their hotel I sat there trying to erase the pictures they had put in my head. One guy came back for a last word.
     
    "You know the moral of this story, right? “ Okay, I’ll bite, what?
    “ Be careful what you wish for."
     
     
     

GIRLS' NIGHT OUT
 
    About 3 A.M. one Sunday morning, I was at a famous topless club. Guys were streaming out stinking to high heaven of booze, smoke, cheap perfume and sexual angst. Not my favorite mix of smells for a winter's night ride with the windows closed.
     
    But this doorman was putting four nice looking gals (not strippers) in my car. Are they lost?
     
    No, but they did smell of booze, and smoke and perfume. To my surprise, on them it all smelled so much better. It was almost cute. This never happens. How was