Pastoralia Read Online Free PDF

“That I don’t go for.”
    “But living in a ditch is okay,” he says.
    “If you want to live in a ditch, live in a ditch,” she says.
    “I don’t want to live in a ditch,” he says. “I want to turn my life around. But it would help me turn my life around if I had a little money. Like twenty bucks. So I can go backand get those party supplies. The tooters and all? I want to make it up to my friends.”
    “Is that was this is about?” she says. “You want money? Well I don’t have twenty bucks. And you don’t need tooters to have a party.”
    “But I want tooters,” he says. “Tooters make it more fun.”
    “I don’t have twenty bucks,” she says.
    “Ma, please,” he says. “You’ve always been there for me. And I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Like this might be my last chance.”
    She pulls me off to one side.
    “I’ll pay you back on payday,” she says.
    I give her a look.
    “Come on, man,” she says. “He’s my son . You know how it is. You got a sick kid, I got a sick kid.”
    My feeling is, yes and no. My sick kid is three. My sick kid isn’t a con man.
    Although at this point it’s worth twenty bucks to get the guy out of the cave.
    I go to my Separate Area and get the twenty bucks. I give it to her and she gives it to him.
    “Excellent!” he says, and goes bounding out the door. “A guy can always count on his ma.”
    Janet goes straight to her Separate Area. The rest of the afternoon I hear sobbing.
    Sobbing or laughing.
    Probably sobbing.
    When the quality of light changes I go to my SeparateArea. I make cocoa. I tidy up. I take out a Daily Partner Performance Evaluation Form.
    This is really pushing it. Her kid comes into the cave in street clothes, speaks English in the cave, she speaks English back, they both swear many many times, she spends the whole afternoon weeping in her Separate Area.
    Then again, what am I supposed to do, rat out a friend with a dying mom on the day she finds out her screwed-up son is even more screwed up than she originally thought?
    Do I note any attitudinal difficulties? I do not. How do I rate my Partner overall? Very good. Are there any Situations which require Mediation?
    There are not.
    I fax it in.
    15.
    Late that night my fax makes the sound it makes when a fax is coming in.
    From Louise:
    Bad day , she says. He had a fever then suddenly got very cold. And his legs are so swollen. In places the skin looks ready to split. Ate like two handfuls dry Chex all day. And whiny, oh my God the poor thing. Stood on the heat grate all day in his underwear, staring out the window. Kept saying where is Daddy, why is he never here? Plus the Evemplorine went up to $70 for 120 count. God, it’s all drudge drudge drudge, you should see me, I look about ninety. Also a big strip of trim or siding came floating down as we were getting in the car and nearly killed the twins. Insurance said they won’t pay. What do I do, do I forget about it? Will something bad happen to the wood underneath if we don’t get it nailed back up? Ugh. Don’t fax back, I’m going to sleep .
    Love, Me .
    I get into bed and lie there counting and recounting the acoustic tiles on the ceiling of my darkened Separate Area.
    One hundred forty-four.
    Plus I am so hungry. I could kill for some goat.
    Although certainly, dwelling on problems doesn’t solve them. Although on the other hand, thinking positively about problems also doesn’t solve them. But at least then you feel positive, which is, or should be, you know, empowering. And power is good. Power is necessary at this point. It is necessary at this point for me to be, you know, a rock. What I need to remember now is that I don’t have to solve the problems of the world. It is not within my power to cure Nelson, it is only necessary for me to do what I can do, which is keep the money coming in, and in order for me to keep the money coming in, it is necessary for me to keep my chin up, so I can continue to do a good job. That