Past Lives Read Online Free PDF Page B

bell, which signaled the start of the meal.
    The queen had not deigned to come, as she was still in bed recovering from the night’s festivities. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or not. Perhaps if I could gain her friendship then no one would question my honor. I frowned as I watched every lady in the group strategically move away from me, until Jacqueline and Giselle were all I had left. Jacqueline gave me an encouraging smile, which I did not return, and we all sat to recover from a night of partying. Delicious pastries and meats were served out with tea and cool water. I listened to the chatter going around the table about the latest designs in fashion and who was using Belgian lace. The glances cast my way in between these pieces of small talk were enough to put an end to my appetite, though I continued to eat anyway. Nothing could be shown to be wrong.
    “Would you like to go riding with me today, J?” Jacqueline asked between large bites of sausage and pastry. She had a clump of crumbs at the corner of her mouth that she had yet to dab, so I made a gesture encouraging her to do so. She jumped in her seat before grasping at her napkin and doing her best to delicately wipe them away. Unfortunately, Jacqueline was anything but delicate, and I found myself wishing that she wouldn’t try so hard to be something she was not. With no other offers to pass the time that afternoon—what a surprise—I quickly agreed.
    I kept up the pretense of confidence all the way back to my rooms, in spite of the fact that few people bothered to pretend that they didn’t believe the marquis’ story. I sat on the edge of my bed, dismissing my maids and closing the door. Finally alone, I glanced about my perfect room, with its cozy fireplace and delicate chandeliers, golden candlesticks and rich fabrics. I began to wonder at how I had so much, and yet so little. At the flick of a gossiping tongue, my friendships were dissolving, my reputation gleefully exploited.
    A hot tear ran down my painted cheek, leaving a long streak of peach down my unnaturally whitened face. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and made my way slowly to my vanity and sat down on the delicately padded chair. Pouring some water into a china bowl, I grasped a cloth and began to firmly wipe the makeup away, staring at myself in bewilderment once I finished mopping it all up. In all honestly, I couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t been powdered and painted to look my best. As I looked at my true self in the mirror, I found that I liked her better, bruise and all.
    I lived in a world where a woman was a second-class human being, a baby doll to be played with by the men who ruled the world. We catered to their desire to have us as they would see fit, dressed up and kept in our gilded dollhouses, toyed with slightly and then left on the shelf. And never, until that very moment, had I ever been dissatisfied with that life. I allowed tears to sink to the ground, admiring the natural shine they produced in my normally icy blue eyes, and I remembered what Bastien had said.
    I see someone more behind your eyes, someone of value. I hope that someday, you will grow to see that woman as well.
    I wiped the tears away, packing the new emotions deep down with them. Regardless of how I may have felt, it did not change how I would be treated if I were to give up the person that I was perceived to be. I called in my maid to reapply my makeup and prepare me for the afternoon ride.
    “This time, apply a little less everywhere but on the bruise,” I said. I knew that whoever I wanted to be around Bastien and Jacqueline, I would be better suited being a little closer to myself.

Chapter Five
    A Ride in the Woods

    I met Jacqueline and Bastien at the stables just as a few clouds drifted over the sun. Both of them seemed in high spirits, excited to be out in the woods. I tried to ignore the meaningful glance Bastien gave my patched up face, concern etched in his downcast