Paranoid Park Read Online Free PDF Page B

happened.
    I went to Jared’s bureau and opened the top drawer. I needed clean clothes. I pawed through Jared’s stuff. He was bigger than I was. He was a thirty waist. I found some boxer shorts. I held them up, looked at them.
    Would I tell Jared?
    No.
    Possibly.
    Maybe.
    I would decide that later. I slipped on the boxers. They were loose but wearable. I went back to the bureau and found some baggy shorts and put them on. I found a big Rampage hoodie and some thick white socks and put those on. I clicked on Jared’s boom box and tuned it to KEX. The weatherman said it would rain later. That was good, I thought, rain would cover things. It would cover footprints and blood tracks. Rain made things new again.
    Then, in my mind, clear as a video replay, I saw the security guard getting pulled down under the train. I saw him get folded up like a rag doll. Then I saw the other picture: the body, mangled, severed, half of him on one side of the tracks, half on the other. I sat on Jared’s bed and burst into tears, swallowing and gasping and moaning all over again. I cried for several moments, then stopped. I had no tears. I was cried out. I had nothing left.

    I fell asleep on Jared’s bed with my clothes on. I dreamed I was in a police station, sitting on a chair, in a hallway. But it wasn’t exactly a police station; it was more like a hospital. Nurses even walked by. As I sat, I tried to decide if I should stay or go; there was still time to leave since I hadn’t given my name yet. Then a woman was brought in. She was in handcuffs, and she had a terrified look on her face. They were taking her to the basement, where they operated on you, where they took things out of you, against your will....
    I woke up with a start. My forehead was damp with sweat. Outside, it was still dark. The rain fell gently on the trees outside Jared’s window.
    Jared. What about him? He broke the law all the time. He didn’t think anything of it. Skaters’ code. Skater law. Cops suck. Never tell a cop anything. Never help a cop in any way.
    I lay back on the bed and blinked at the ceiling above me. I liked how warm I felt, how safe I felt in Jared’s room. I liked the sound of the rain. It reminded me of being younger, a little kid, sitting at the window, all the dreams you had when you were young, all the hopes for your future....
    I was so screwed.
    I sat up and glanced around the room. I was so screwed. What was I going to do?
    I shouldn’t waste time. I needed to talk to someone. I needed to take action and get this weight off me. My dad. That was the person to talk to. I knew where he was-at my uncle Tommy’s. I turned on the light and found Jared’s portable phone. I could already feel the relief of telling him....
    I dialed my uncle’s number. But I couldn’t remember the last four numbers. I tried again. But I still couldn’t remember. I dialed 411. The automated voice gave me my uncle’s number. It offered to connect me for fifty cents but it was Jared’s phone, so I hung up and dialed it myself. I waited. My heart began to pound. It connected. My heart thudded in my chest. It rang once ... twice....
    I hung up.
    But that was stupid. What was I doing? I had to call my dad. I started to dial it again, and again I stopped.
    No. Don’t involve your family. They didn’t do it. They’re innocent. I should call the police myself.
    But who was I kidding? There was no way I was calling the police myself. I started to cry again. The sound of the rain was what did it. The sad, lonely, far-away sound of the rain. I flicked off the light and went back to the bed and lay down with the phone cradled to my chest. Oh God, please help me, I whispered, rocking slowly on the bed. Please, please, God help me.

    I slept fitfully, dozing in and out. At seven A.M., I woke up completely and got ready to leave Jared’s. But I didn’t dare show up at my own house that early. It would be suspicious. I had to stay at Jared’s. I tried watching TV,