Our Souls at Night Read Online Free PDF Page A

at the cemetery. I sometimes feel I can still talk to her. Her spirit. Or her soul, if you want to say that. But she seems okay now. She once said to me, I’m all right. Don’t worry. I want to believe that.
    Of course, Louis said.
    Carl wanted us to move to a different house in town but I said I wouldn’t—I didn’t want to leave this place. It was right out in front of this house. This is where she died, I said. This is sacred to me. So we didn’t move. Maybe we should have, for Gene’s sake.
    He never got over it.
    None of us has. But he was the one who caused her to run out in the street ahead of the car. He was just a little boy chasing his sister with a water hose. Afterward, your wife came over a number of times to check on me. That was kind of her. I appreciated it. I was grateful to her. Most people felt too uncomfortable to say anything at all.
    I should’ve come with her.
    That would have been good.
    Sins of omission, Louis said.
    You don’t believe in sins.
    I believe there are failures of character, like I said before. That’s a sin.
    Well, you’re here now.
    This is where I want to be now.

12
    I won’t be coming over here for a few days, Louis said.
    Why won’t you?
    Holly’s coming out for Memorial Day weekend. I think she wants to kick my butt.
    What do you mean?
    I think she’s got wind of you and me. I think she wants me to behave.
    What do you think about that?
    Of behaving? I am behaving. I’m doing what I want and it isn’t hurting anyone. And I hope it’s good for you too.
    It is.
    I’ll have to hear her out. But it won’t change anything. I won’t do any more what she wants me to than she does what I want her to do about the guys she goes out with. She keeps finding these guys who need proppingup. They lean on her. She takes care of them for a year or so then she gets tired of it or something blows up and she’s alone for a while. Then she finds another one to take care of. She’s between guys right now.
    Will you call me when you can come back?

13
    The next day Holly drove out to Holt from Colorado Springs and Louis met her at the door and kissed her. They had supper sitting at the picnic bench in the backyard. And afterward they washed the dishes together and sat in the living room drinking wine.
    I’m thinking of going to Italy for a couple of weeks this summer, she said. To Florence, for a class in printmaking.
    I think you should. That sounds good.
    I made the flight arrangements already. They’ve accepted me in a printing workshop.
    Good for you. Do you need help paying for it?
    No, Daddy. I’m all right. She looked at him for a moment. But I’m worried about you.
    Oh? Is that so?
    Yes. What are you doing with Addie Moore?
    I’m having a good time.
    What would Mom say?
    I don’t know, but I think your mom might understand. She was a lot more capable of forgiveness and understanding than people knew. She was wise, in many ways. She saw things in a bigger way than people do.
    But, Daddy, it’s not right. I didn’t know you even cared for Addie Moore. Or even knew her that well.
    You’re right. I didn’t. But that’s the main point of this being a good time. Getting to know somebody well at this age. And finding out you like her and discovering you’re not just all dried up after all.
    It just seems embarrassing.
    To whom? It’s not to me.
    But people know about you.
    Of course they do. And I don’t give a damn. Who told you? It must’ve been one of your tightass friends in town here.
    It was Linda Rogers.
    She would.
    Well, she thought I should know.
    And now you do. And you want me to stop, is that it? What good would that do? People would still know we’d been together.
    But it wouldn’t have to be the same thing. In your face every day.
    You worry too much about people in this town.
    Somebody has to.
    I don’t anymore. I’ve learned that.
    From her?
    Yes. From her.
    But I never thought of her as being progressive or loose either.
    It’s not loose.