Our Kingdom of Dust Read Online Free PDF Page A

Jay.”
     “Ah, okay, cool. Jay…. Jay the Disney Tattoo Guy.” I said, mulling it over in my head. A picture from somewhere on the Internet flashed into my head. It was him! “Yeah, yeah! You’re the Disney Tattoo Guy! I’ve seen pictures of you on the Internet! You’re famous!”
    Jay looked happy about being recognized. “I am pretty famous. Some people call me a living legend.” He turned his head down, a strange look on his face. “That’s taking it a bit far, but yes, I am a local celebrity, which has its perks.”
    I was feeling slightly more normal. This guy was hilarious. Everything was cool. Except, I still didn’t know how I’d got there.
    “Jay, if I may ask the question of the day… why am I not in my room at The Beach Club? Why am I sleeping on your couch instead of in my posh resort bed?”
    He answered slowly, like I was a complete idiot. “Because you were falling down drunk and vomiting and urinating all over everything, and if you’d tried to check into your room in that condition, you would’ve been banned from the hotel, and likely the entire resort.”
    “Ah… yep, that’s true. That’s very true.”
    This man, this extremely unusual fat man with a nicely trimmed moustache and a lot of Disney tattoos, had saved me from being banned from the place I came here to visit. The place that would heal me. If I’d been banned on my first night…. Well, that would not have been a good scene. I wasn’t sure how to express my gratitude.
    “So, yeah, thank you for thinking of that. I really owe you one… or three or ten.”
    I started shoveling down the eggs. A whole piece of bacon disappeared down my throat, washed down with a gulp of coffee. I grabbed for one of the Mickey waffles. I bit its left ear off.
    Jay laughed. “Everyone always goes for the ears first!”
    I laughed, too. This guy was okay.
     

Chapter 5
     
    I awoke from another nap, feeling much better. The headache was mostly gone, although the back of my eyes still felt weird. My mouth was dry. My kidneys ached. But other than that, I was doing okay.
    “Jay, could I get a glass of water?” I called to nowhere in particular.
    No answer.
    “Jay? Water?” I said a little louder.
    Nothing. He obviously wasn’t in the house.
    I stood up and put on my vintage EPCOT Center t-shirt, which was laid out on the mirror table, completely stain-free.
    “Kick ass,” I said to myself. So far, absolutely no negative ramifications from my day of debauchery. Maybe I was being a bit extreme saying I’d never drink again….
    There was a note pinned to the bottom of the shirt.
    “Gone to pick up the limo,” it read. “Be back by 16:00 to drive you to The Beach Club. – Jay”
    Awesome. I’d soon be at The Beach Club, where I could finally start my real “vacation”, or whatever the fuck it was that I was doing here in Florida.
    But right now, I needed a drink of water. I stumbled around the mirror table and changed my mind – no, what I needed first was to shit. Badly. I hobbled forward, saw the kitchen, turned around, walked a step, turned again, walked another step, and stopped, realizing I had no idea where the bathroom was. Spying a carpeted hallway, I bolted, flinging open every door before finally catching a glimpse of a Mickey Mouse shower curtain.
    My pants were down before I’d crossed the threshold, and in a split second the remnants of whatever had been left in my stomach after yesterday’s puke-athon spewed out of my ass with extreme force.
    “Ahhh…” I sighed.
    After washing my hands with soap shaped like Mickey which I found in a Little Mermaid-sitting-on-a-seashell soap dish, and wiping them on a towel embroidered with Tinker Bell, I cracked the window and pulled a Lightning McQueen cup from a badass Pooh’s hunny pot dispenser. I filled the cup with water, downed the contents, and repeated about eighty times. Much better.
    Walking back towards the living room, I realized that I’d opened every single door