Only Darkness Read Online Free PDF Page A

He’d bought everything else he needed – a bed, a chair, carpets, curtains, a cooker. It was all he could manage to do, to find a new place to live, a new job.
    The evening stretched in front of him, bleak and empty. He could go out – but where and why? He could stay in, read, listen to music, like he’d done for the past countless number of evenings. He wondered about giving Lynne a ring, going over to her place, talking a bit of police shop, picking up the gossip, spending a couple of hours in her bed. It would be a distraction, something to do. Though she’d probably be busy at this short notice.
    Maybe it was time to move on. Staying here, everythingwas a reminder. Places he went to, people he saw. He’d found a letter waiting when he got in, from an ex-colleague, Pete Morton. Morton had gone into the security business up in Newcastle, Neave’s childhood city. He’d written to ask if Neave was interested in joining him.
There’s a load of work here,
Morton had written.
I’m starting to turn stuff down.
Neave thought seriously about the offer, about going back to Newcastle. He needed to get away.
    Applying for the job at City College had been part of getting away. He didn’t know anyone there, and no one knew him. The job had looked interesting as well. The place was wide open, equipment was walking out through the front door, the buildings were being vandalized and staff and bona fide students were starting to feel intimidated. It had been a challenge he’d enjoyed, imposing a system on to the anarchic world of post-sixteen education. It had given him something to think about, but he’d done as much as he could there.
    He knew he wasn’t particularly liked. It didn’t worry him. He had the capacity to get on well with people, inspire trust – it had been an asset in his last job, but he didn’t need it now. His face in repose looked boyish and good-humoured, and his eyes, despite – or perhaps because of – the lines under them that seemed to be a permanent feature now, tended to look as though he smiled a lot. When people found out he wasn’t the easy-going person he seemed, they resented it. But he got results.
    He thought about his conversation with Deborah Sykes that afternoon. He remembered his first meeting with her. She’d been banging her head against the brick wall of management, trying to get a perfectly reasonable request for decent lighting implemented. The response had been to agree in principle and postpone action
until the budget allowed
– i.e. indefinitely. He’d played traitor on that one, and helped her get it through. She, and then Louise, her sharp-tongued boss, had become his first supporters in the place. He enjoyed their company, and had taken to dropping into their room to talk to them.
    He’d fired Debbie’s evangelical instincts when they’d had some kind of argument about books, about the value ofpoetry, and she’d started lending him things she wanted him to read. Typical bloody teacher. He smiled. He liked Debbie, and he’d been relieved when he’d seen her come through the college entrance that morning. His mind wandered. He could picture her now, not very tall – her head had just reached his shoulder when she stood beside him this afternoon. She kept her black hair firmly pulled back and held in a knot with pins and combs, and it had smelled clean and sweet. He tried to picture it curling down round her pale, pretty face and over those small, high tits … He shook himself awake, pushed that line of thought out of his mind –
you don’t need that
– and picked up the book she’d lent him, turning the pages back to the poem she’d pointed out …
were axioms to him, who’d never heard/ Of any world where promises were kept/ Or one could weep because another wept.
    She was right, he’d known them, the empty-eyed children who didn’t seem to know – or to care – what or why their lives meant to themselves or anyone. And maybe it was him, too.
    He read