One Last Night Read Online Free PDF

of that mattered to me. Because he’d tell me he loved me. He’d say that no matter what I looked like he loved me. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to want? A man who thinks my looks don’t matter?”
    Sam started to say something but I waved him off. “I know, I know. Now I get it. I shouldn’t be with someone who is willing to deal with how I look. I should be with someone who loves how I look.” I smiled again. “Someone like you. But that’s now. After a few years and a lot of therapy.
    “At the time I thought I’d won the lottery and I clung to him like he could keep me from drowning. But what I didn’t see – couldn’t see – is that he was the thing pulling me under. The worse I felt about myself the more I needed him to reassure me. And then, when I was completely dependent on him emotionally, things changed. The little off-hand comments got worse. And then started happening in public. And then turned into straight insults. Or the silent treatment when I didn’t do as he wanted.
    “I stopped being a person and became a piece of fabric flapping in a breeze. All I did was react to Phillip. He would scream and I would cry. He would leave and I would be lost.
    “That’s when my family tried to step in, but they were too late. Every reservation I should have had came out of their mouths, and I hated them for it. So I left home and moved in with Phillip. He had me all to himself.” I choked back a sob. “A week later was the first time he hit me. It wasn’t hard, barely hurt, didn’t even bruise.”
    My hand rose to touch my cheek where that first slap had landed. “I got mad. Told him I would leave. Did all the things I was supposed to. But he cried. This perfect boy I’d been so lucky to have cried at the thought of losing me. So I stayed. Forgave and even almost forgot.
    “Things were good for a while after that. And I thought I’d done the right thing. No one’s perfect and he made a mistake. I knew Phillip. I trusted and loved him. One slip-up didn’t erase all of that. Later, that was the thing that really destroyed me. I was so sure I knew him. So sure I was right to believe his lies. But,” I continued, eyes filling with tears. “Of course I was wrong.”
    Sam stood up. He walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders. “Tell me about that night.”
    I shrugged. “We’d been arguing all day. The bathroom was dirty, I worked too much, my dress was too tight. A million little things. We went to a birthday party for a high school friend of mine. It was the first time I’d seen Anna in weeks. She…well, she was herself. She berated me for being a shitty friend and hissed at Phillip. Of course I pretended everything was perfect, even though I could tell she didn’t believe a word.
    “By the time we left he’d had a few beers. Not drunk, but not sober, you know?”
    Sam nodded and pulled me over to the stool he’d been sitting on. He wrapped his arms around my waist and looked at me intently. “Go on.”
    “So I tried to take the car keys. Just suggested it lightly. Phillip refused, of course. And at first it seemed like was going to let it go. But, because he was a little tipsy, he missed a turn to go back to our place. I told him how to meet back up with the right street, and he lost it. Pulled the car over and started screaming at me. All about how I didn’t respect him, treated him like a child. He called me some really cruel names and just kept yelling and yelling.
    “To this day I’m not sure what came over me. I’d gotten used to the tirades but that night I’d just had enough. I told him to fuck off and let me out of the car and that I’d walk home if he was going to act like that.
    “He got really quiet then. Just stared at me for a long time before speaking again.” I closed my eyes and could see us there, in the car on that dark street. “He was so calm. Told me to apologize and he’d forgive me. I refused and he punched me. No warning or anything, just