On Mother Brown's Doorstep Read Online Free PDF Page A
Author: Mary Jane Staples
and not ’aving to suffer all that terrible heat,’ said Mrs Brown.
‘’Ope so,’ said Freddy. ‘Well, I think I’ll go an’ see if Ernie Flint’ll lend me ’is bike on Sunday, so’s I can cycle to Brockwell Park.’
‘I’ll come with you as far as Cotham Street,’ said Sally, ‘then I’ll go an’ see Mavis.’ Mavis Richards was a close friend. They shared the giggly little secrets of schoolgirls.
‘I don’t know I want you ridin’ bikes, Freddy,’ said Mrs Brown, ‘not with Susie’s weddin’ next month, you might fall off and hit your head on the road.’
‘With an ’ead like’s he’s got, I bet Dad would get a bill for road repairs,’ said Sally.
‘Our Sally’s nearly a comic sometimes,’ said Freddy.
‘Bless ’er,’ said Mrs Brown.
‘And ’er wooden legs,’ said Freddy.
Out he went with his sister. Sally was bare-headed, Freddy wearing a blue cap. From the open door of a house shot the figure of a neighbour, Mr Higgins. He was a tram conductor whose duties sometimes brought him home early, sometimes late. After him came a rolling-pin. It struck him between his shoulder blades. Down he went. Following the rolling-pin came Mrs Higgins. Mr Higgins was thin and bony, Mrs Higgins was buxom. Freddy and Sally could tell she was riled. She had a wealth of dark brown hair, the pins were loose and it was all over her head and face.
‘Get up,’ she said to her fallen husband, and she retrieved the rolling-pin.
‘What for?’ asked Mr Higgins, feeling safer on the pavement.
‘So’s I can give yer another one,’ said Mrs Higgins. ‘I don’t like ’itting you when yer on the ground.’
‘I can’t get up,’ said Mr Higgins, ‘I’m wounded, and me leg’s broke as well.’
‘I’ll give you wounded,’ said Mrs Higgins. ‘Look at ’im,’ she said to Sally and Freddy, ‘would yer believe ’im capable of it?’
‘Capable of what, Mrs Higgins?’ asked Sally.
‘Kissin’ and cuddlin’ ’is lady passengers, that’s what.’
‘Is he supposed to?’ asked Freddy.
‘Is’e what?’
‘Well, I only asked,’ said Freddy.
‘’E’s forbidden,’ said Mrs Higgins, ‘but ’e done it. Stay where you are,’ she said to her husband, giving him a rap on his head with the rolling-pin. ‘Mrs Blake saw it all this mornin’, at the market tram stop. Me own ’usband, would yer believe, and in front of everyone in Walworth.’
‘Now would I do that?’ said Mr Higgins, his conductor’s uniform dusty from the pavement. ‘I’d lose me job.’
‘That’s what I’ve been tellin’ yer,’ said Mrs Higgins, ‘and don’t answer me back in front of Sally an’ Freddy, they’ll think I don’t get no respect from you. Mrs Blake told me that when she saw it ’appen, she near dropped dead with shock.’
‘Pity she bleedin’ didn’t,’ muttered Mr Higgins.
‘What’s that? What’s that you said?’
‘I said I think me leg’s bleedin’.’
‘Shall I get ’im a bandage an’ some ointment, Mrs Higgins?’ asked Sally.
‘’E don’t want a bandage, not yet ’e don’t,’ said Mrs Higgins. ‘I’ll give ’im what for when I get ’im back indoors. ’E’ll need a doctor then, not a bandage. To think after all these years I’m burdened with the shame of what ’e’s done today, and in public too.’
‘Look, me pet,’ said Mr Higgins, ‘I just ’elped a lady off me tram with ’er foldin’ pram and baby. Yus, and a shoppin’ bag as well. She ’appened to be overcome with gratitude, I suppose—’
‘She what?’ said Mrs Higgins threateningly.
‘She was overcome with gratitude, Mrs Higgins,’ said Freddy. ‘I mean, that’s what Mr Higgins just said.’
‘Well, what else would’ve made ’er give me a kiss?’ said Mr Higgins. ‘I asks yer, me love, what else? I didn’t kiss ’er meself, nor cuddle ’er, it’s against the regulations.’
‘You’re answerin’ me back again,’ said Mrs Higgins.
Along came Mr Ponsonby, a
‘’Ope so,’ said Freddy. ‘Well, I think I’ll go an’ see if Ernie Flint’ll lend me ’is bike on Sunday, so’s I can cycle to Brockwell Park.’
‘I’ll come with you as far as Cotham Street,’ said Sally, ‘then I’ll go an’ see Mavis.’ Mavis Richards was a close friend. They shared the giggly little secrets of schoolgirls.
‘I don’t know I want you ridin’ bikes, Freddy,’ said Mrs Brown, ‘not with Susie’s weddin’ next month, you might fall off and hit your head on the road.’
‘With an ’ead like’s he’s got, I bet Dad would get a bill for road repairs,’ said Sally.
‘Our Sally’s nearly a comic sometimes,’ said Freddy.
‘Bless ’er,’ said Mrs Brown.
‘And ’er wooden legs,’ said Freddy.
Out he went with his sister. Sally was bare-headed, Freddy wearing a blue cap. From the open door of a house shot the figure of a neighbour, Mr Higgins. He was a tram conductor whose duties sometimes brought him home early, sometimes late. After him came a rolling-pin. It struck him between his shoulder blades. Down he went. Following the rolling-pin came Mrs Higgins. Mr Higgins was thin and bony, Mrs Higgins was buxom. Freddy and Sally could tell she was riled. She had a wealth of dark brown hair, the pins were loose and it was all over her head and face.
‘Get up,’ she said to her fallen husband, and she retrieved the rolling-pin.
‘What for?’ asked Mr Higgins, feeling safer on the pavement.
‘So’s I can give yer another one,’ said Mrs Higgins. ‘I don’t like ’itting you when yer on the ground.’
‘I can’t get up,’ said Mr Higgins, ‘I’m wounded, and me leg’s broke as well.’
‘I’ll give you wounded,’ said Mrs Higgins. ‘Look at ’im,’ she said to Sally and Freddy, ‘would yer believe ’im capable of it?’
‘Capable of what, Mrs Higgins?’ asked Sally.
‘Kissin’ and cuddlin’ ’is lady passengers, that’s what.’
‘Is he supposed to?’ asked Freddy.
‘Is’e what?’
‘Well, I only asked,’ said Freddy.
‘’E’s forbidden,’ said Mrs Higgins, ‘but ’e done it. Stay where you are,’ she said to her husband, giving him a rap on his head with the rolling-pin. ‘Mrs Blake saw it all this mornin’, at the market tram stop. Me own ’usband, would yer believe, and in front of everyone in Walworth.’
‘Now would I do that?’ said Mr Higgins, his conductor’s uniform dusty from the pavement. ‘I’d lose me job.’
‘That’s what I’ve been tellin’ yer,’ said Mrs Higgins, ‘and don’t answer me back in front of Sally an’ Freddy, they’ll think I don’t get no respect from you. Mrs Blake told me that when she saw it ’appen, she near dropped dead with shock.’
‘Pity she bleedin’ didn’t,’ muttered Mr Higgins.
‘What’s that? What’s that you said?’
‘I said I think me leg’s bleedin’.’
‘Shall I get ’im a bandage an’ some ointment, Mrs Higgins?’ asked Sally.
‘’E don’t want a bandage, not yet ’e don’t,’ said Mrs Higgins. ‘I’ll give ’im what for when I get ’im back indoors. ’E’ll need a doctor then, not a bandage. To think after all these years I’m burdened with the shame of what ’e’s done today, and in public too.’
‘Look, me pet,’ said Mr Higgins, ‘I just ’elped a lady off me tram with ’er foldin’ pram and baby. Yus, and a shoppin’ bag as well. She ’appened to be overcome with gratitude, I suppose—’
‘She what?’ said Mrs Higgins threateningly.
‘She was overcome with gratitude, Mrs Higgins,’ said Freddy. ‘I mean, that’s what Mr Higgins just said.’
‘Well, what else would’ve made ’er give me a kiss?’ said Mr Higgins. ‘I asks yer, me love, what else? I didn’t kiss ’er meself, nor cuddle ’er, it’s against the regulations.’
‘You’re answerin’ me back again,’ said Mrs Higgins.
Along came Mr Ponsonby, a