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It's nothing.”
    He looks totally insulted. “If it's nothing, why can't your boyfriend see it?”
    Your boyfriend. He announces it aloud like that, so everyone can hear.
    “Later, maybe,” I say.
    “Is it something about me?” James asks.
    Maggie laughs at this. “No, James. It's about a younger guy.”
    At that point, Rico starts yelling at us because he wants to start rehearsal.
    James grabs his guitar, Maggie gets behind the keyboard, and the band starts playing
    “Fallen Angel.”
    I wish Maggie hadn't said that.
    James looks like he wants to throw his guitar at me.
    Sun 1/4
    Nbook, why is life so complicated?
    I do not understand guys. I never will.
    Never!
    Okay. Let me start from the top.
    Rico calls a break in the middle of rehearsal. Everybody heads to the table, where there are soft drinks and snacks.
    Except James. He walks outside.

    I know he's mad, so I follow him. Soon we're out of sight of the garage door, and
    James stops walking. “Hi,” I say.
    He whirls around. “Don't you ever treat me like that,” he says.
    “Like what?” I reply.
    “Like, make fun of me.”
    “I wasn't making fun of you!”
    “Yeah? Well, what's in your pocket?”
    I am so angry and frustrated, I pull you out, Nbook. I flip to the Max Endor
    drawing and shove it toward him. “There. Read it!” I snap. “It's what Maggie and I were talking about.”
    “It's, like, a comic strip.” He looks closely at it. “It's good.”
    I grab it out of his hand. “Are you happy now?”
    “Sorry, Amalia. I just thought you were keeping secrets from me.”
    “Even if I was, so what?” I'm almost shouting now. “Do you have to know
    everything about me?”
    “I said I'm sorry.” James tries to put his arm around me. “How come you never
    told me you were so talented?”
    He's smiling at me, but now I'm furious. “You think you can make everything
    better, just by complimenting me?”
    “Whoa. Come on, Amalia, it's not such a big deal.”
    “Like, I'm so in love with you I'll let you insult me and be suspicious and accuse me of being in love with everybody in the world and insult my friends and then expect me to forgive you and act like I'm your girlfriend? Why? Just because you're sixteen?”
    “Uh, slow down,” James says. “What are you saying? You're not my girlfriend?”
    My jaw is hanging open, Nbook. It's like he hasn't heard one word of what I've
    said.
    “Stick to girls your own age,” I mutter.
    I turn. Then I walk around the garage, around the house, and all the way to the
    corner gas station, where I call home.
    A few minutes later, Isabel picks me up. I am crying and she asks why.
    I tell her I've broken up with a guy who wasn't even really my boyfriend.
    Jan 5
    1st draft, letter to James
    This is Amalia. She is feeling pretty embarrassed. She just did something really
    stupid.

    This is James. He doesn't know what happened. He was just being himself, and
    Amalia started yelling at him, then walked away.
    James is wondering what is going through Amalia's mind. He's wondering why
    she didn't speak to him in school today. And why she hasn't called him. Maybe he's a little angry too.
    Well, Amalia doesn't blame him. And she would like to call. But she knows she
    will not find the right words to say. She will open up her mouth and start another argument.
    See, Amalia's pretty confused too. She likes James a lot. She thinks he's cute. She loves the way he plays guitar. She wants to go out with him and get to know him more.
    But James does a few things she wishes he wouldn't do. Like assume she's his
    girlfriend. And get mad at her for talking to other guys. And be suspicious of her for the most harmless, innocent things.
    Amalia doesn't want to be James's enemy. She still hopes they can talk things out.
    Can they?
    Amalia hopes James will answer soon.
    Tues 1/6
    7:30 A.M.
    Mami says dreams are really messages from your subconscious. They're about the
    unsettled things in your life. Even if they don't seem like