Nothing Changes Until You Do: A Guide to Self-Compassion and Getting Out of Your Own Way Read Online Free PDF Page B

hadn’t been in an actual bookstore since the book had come out.
    I wanted to check out this particular store because my publisher told me that not only were they carrying the book, but they would be featuring it up front the first month it was out. I was excited about that. When I walked into the store, at first I didn’t see my book, which concerned me. But before I went over to ask someone where it was, I saw it out of the corner of my eye. In the middle of the store, they had a big circular display for the new releases, and there was a small stack of my books there, on the back side of this display.
    I walked over, picked up a copy, and stood there, admiring my own book. Although I had boxes of them in my office, seeing it in the store for the first time filled me with a sense of pride and enthusiasm. Then I had this thought: Should I buy one? I know this might sound a bit narcissistic and self-absorbed, and it is. But what I’d learned when my first book came out is that books are essentially on consignment in the stores. This means that if nobody buys them, they get sent back to the publisher. A few of my fellow author friends and mentors had told me that it was totally okay, especially in the first few weeks after it comes out, to pick up a few copies of your own book when you’re in a store, to “help the cause,” so to speak. I had done this a few times when my first book came out, but for some reason I felt more self-conscious about it this time around.
    As I stood there in the middle of the Barnes and Noble, I debated for a while in my head and finally decided, The heck with it. I’m going to do it again, but just one copy. I took the book and got in line. As I was standing there, I told myself that when I got up to the front, I would let the person behind the counter know that it was my book and it had just come out that week. The closer I got, the more nervous I began to feel. When it was my turn to pay, I put the book down on the counter and the woman at the cash register immediately said, “We’ve been selling a lot of these.”
    “Really?” I asked excitedly.
    Then she asked me a question that kind of threw me off: “Did you see this guy on TV or something?”
    Although her question made sense since I had done a few local TV interviews that week, it totally caught me off guard, and here’s what I said in response: “Ah, no, ah, he’s a local author. I just want to support him.” As it was coming out of my mouth, I was thinking, What is that?
    I don’t know if this has ever happened to you, but I was mortified by what I’d just said. The woman behind the counter had no idea it was my book, although she probably thought something was up, given my awkward response and the strange look that I’m sure I had on my face. I couldn’t even figure out how to recover or say anything else. All I could do was reach into my wallet and pull out my credit card, with my name on it, to pay for the book. With my head down, I signed the receipt as fast as possible, grabbed the bag containing my new book, and literally ran out of the store. Standing there on the street corner, I thought, I wrote a book on authenticity, and I just lied to that woman.
    The irony of this experience was not lost on me, and I found myself laughing about it once the shock and embarrassment of the moment passed. I told Michelle about it right after it happened and ended up telling the whole story to a group of people I spoke to about the book a few days later. It really seemed to resonate with them and also made them laugh. Being able to talk about it, laugh about it, and share it with others is actually one of the ways I was able to be gentle with myself. I could have been overly harsh and critical of myself for what I had done and said at the Barnes and Noble, but I chose not to be. This has now become one of the key stories I tell when talking about the challenges of being authentic and the funny, paradoxical (or even hypocritical)