Not That You Asked (9780307822215) Read Online Free PDF Page B
Author: Andy Rooney
Connecticut.
You might think it was a dreary experience but it was a wonderful one. Every face that came forward was a life about to be lived. I found myself guessing whoâd be successful, who not, who happily married, who un. Why did this sweet young girl choose to come forward barefoot, this one in high-heeled black pumps?
Each graduate bounded forward with delight and enthusiasm to reach for the symbolic piece of paper. Yells and cheers came from the crowd as some of their classmates crossed the little stage. One big, awkward blond boy waved his diploma triumphantly and his classmates hooted. You just knew he was the one who almost didnât make it.
It wasnât always clear what evoked the shouts. The person onstage had been involved in some incident memorable only to the shouters. In their minds, the person made their class specialâeven though every class that ever graduated had one just like him.
Graduation ceremonies arenât whatâs wrong with the world.
How to Turn Inventions Off
The administration is asking Congress for $6 billion to build a fifty-two-mile tunnel in which to shoot atoms at each other. Two atoms (this is how I understand it) would be started from opposite ends of the tunnel. When they collided somewhere in the middle, the atoms would break apart and scientists would be able to find out whatâs inside. It seems like a lot of money to spend to break something.
The secretary of energy said the invention and construction of the worldâs largest research machine would be as scientifically significant as the manned landing on the moon in 1969. This would be damning a project with faint praise to a lot of Americans who canât remember exactly what practical results came from manâs walk on the moon.
Iâm reluctant to say this $6 billion project is a mistake because I donât understand its implications, but you always have to be suspicious of the people who are coming up with new things. The fact of the matter is, scientists and inventors invent a lot of things the world would be just as well off without and a better machine with which to break atoms might be one of them. For my own amusement, Iâve been making a list of unnecessary inventions that Iâve seen in my lifetime:
âDesigner telephones in bright colors and strange shapes. Telephones donât seem to work noticeably better since they stopped making them all black and white and one style.
âElevator music. It suggests all of us have to be entertained, amused or diverted from our own thoughts every minute of the day no matter what weâre doing.
âPush-button controls on car radios. Turning two dials, one to find the station and a second to control the volume, was all we ever needed.
âNewspapers printed in color. A headline is a way of getting us to read a story by telling us, briefly, what itâs about in an interesting way. It shouldnât be necessary to add color to the pictures or the type. âThere it is, in black and white.â
âFroot Loops, bubble gum, cranapple juice, frozen waffles, Diet 7 Up.
âSpray paint in pressurized cans represents very little advance over a can of paint you pry the lid off and spread with a brush.
âDigital watches that can only tell us that itâs 8:50, not ten of nine.
âThe buzzers in cars that inform you that you havenât fastened yourseatbelt. What we need in a car is a buzzer that tells you where you put the keys.
âDesigner jeans. Designers have added very little but price to blue jeans.
âHomogenized milk. There is a whole generation of people who donât know that, left alone, cream rises to the top.
âCute sayings on license plates put there by state governments for promotional purposes. Maine is VACATIONLAND . Maine is also very cold in the winter, but the license plates donât say so.
âRemote-control television. The necessity for having to get up out of
You might think it was a dreary experience but it was a wonderful one. Every face that came forward was a life about to be lived. I found myself guessing whoâd be successful, who not, who happily married, who un. Why did this sweet young girl choose to come forward barefoot, this one in high-heeled black pumps?
Each graduate bounded forward with delight and enthusiasm to reach for the symbolic piece of paper. Yells and cheers came from the crowd as some of their classmates crossed the little stage. One big, awkward blond boy waved his diploma triumphantly and his classmates hooted. You just knew he was the one who almost didnât make it.
It wasnât always clear what evoked the shouts. The person onstage had been involved in some incident memorable only to the shouters. In their minds, the person made their class specialâeven though every class that ever graduated had one just like him.
Graduation ceremonies arenât whatâs wrong with the world.
How to Turn Inventions Off
The administration is asking Congress for $6 billion to build a fifty-two-mile tunnel in which to shoot atoms at each other. Two atoms (this is how I understand it) would be started from opposite ends of the tunnel. When they collided somewhere in the middle, the atoms would break apart and scientists would be able to find out whatâs inside. It seems like a lot of money to spend to break something.
The secretary of energy said the invention and construction of the worldâs largest research machine would be as scientifically significant as the manned landing on the moon in 1969. This would be damning a project with faint praise to a lot of Americans who canât remember exactly what practical results came from manâs walk on the moon.
Iâm reluctant to say this $6 billion project is a mistake because I donât understand its implications, but you always have to be suspicious of the people who are coming up with new things. The fact of the matter is, scientists and inventors invent a lot of things the world would be just as well off without and a better machine with which to break atoms might be one of them. For my own amusement, Iâve been making a list of unnecessary inventions that Iâve seen in my lifetime:
âDesigner telephones in bright colors and strange shapes. Telephones donât seem to work noticeably better since they stopped making them all black and white and one style.
âElevator music. It suggests all of us have to be entertained, amused or diverted from our own thoughts every minute of the day no matter what weâre doing.
âPush-button controls on car radios. Turning two dials, one to find the station and a second to control the volume, was all we ever needed.
âNewspapers printed in color. A headline is a way of getting us to read a story by telling us, briefly, what itâs about in an interesting way. It shouldnât be necessary to add color to the pictures or the type. âThere it is, in black and white.â
âFroot Loops, bubble gum, cranapple juice, frozen waffles, Diet 7 Up.
âSpray paint in pressurized cans represents very little advance over a can of paint you pry the lid off and spread with a brush.
âDigital watches that can only tell us that itâs 8:50, not ten of nine.
âThe buzzers in cars that inform you that you havenât fastened yourseatbelt. What we need in a car is a buzzer that tells you where you put the keys.
âDesigner jeans. Designers have added very little but price to blue jeans.
âHomogenized milk. There is a whole generation of people who donât know that, left alone, cream rises to the top.
âCute sayings on license plates put there by state governments for promotional purposes. Maine is VACATIONLAND . Maine is also very cold in the winter, but the license plates donât say so.
âRemote-control television. The necessity for having to get up out of
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