Not That You Asked (9780307822215) Read Online Free PDF

when they come to the question MOTHER’S MAIDEN NAME ? and see BANKERT written in the little box? They’re going to think the Bankert children made a careless mistake.
    A great many progressive women continue to use their maiden names in business. This is understandable. Most of them officially adopt their husband’s name for the purpose of signing legal documents and Christmas cards. This makes good sense.
    Still other couples decide to join their two names with a hyphen to create a third name. If Pamela and Rupert had chosen this course, theynow would be Pamela and Rupert Bankert-Brandt. This may seem like a solution, but it’s a shortsighted one. It causes trouble down the line. Say, for example, that Pamela and Rupert Bankert-Brandt have a child named Darcy Bankert-Brandt. Darcy grows up and falls in love with a young man whose parents also had hyphenated their names. The young man’s name is Peter Palmer-Williams. If Darcy insists she and her husband share their two names, their names become Mr. and Mrs. Bankert-Brandt-Palmer-Williams.
    If, God forbid, Pam and Rupert’s marriage doesn’t work out, I wonder if Rupert will retain his married name.
Educated—to a Degree
    My college education ended after my junior year because I was drafted into the army. After World War II I never returned to school so I never had a graduation of my own. I got an education in four years in the army that no college could match in a hundred years but, nonetheless, I’ve always felt cheated and just a little bit uneducated without a diploma.
    Now I’ve been to quite a few commencements. I’ve seen my own children graduate and I’ve served as a speaker. I enjoy the events even though I’m envious of the young people getting diplomas.
    It’s the air about a college campus on commencement day that’s so good. You don’t go to a graduation ceremony for the oratory. The speeches, including my own, range from not very good to terrible. There’s something about the event that attracts clichés. Speeches are invariably too long and often boring. They have a certain form and language expected of them that seem to limit how good they can be. Speakers feel obliged to give a lot of fatuous and unrealistic advice.
    The valedictorian makes his or her speech and it’s a duplicate copy of every valedictory ever given, filled with platitudes that give no indication that this is the smartest kid in the class speaking.
    The only really good commencement speech I ever heard was given by a judge whose speech blew away in a strong wind before he could read it. I have no idea what he had on those fifteen or twenty pieces of paper but he shrugged and took off without any notes and was brief and excellent.
    Getting their diplomas gives the graduates a feeling of success at having achieved their goal of four years as well as a sense of relief. They’re wildly excited with anticipation of a future free of the artificial deadlines and work loads that school has imposed on them all their lives. It’s fun to be with them on that day because their enthusiasm is infectious.
    I’ve been to two graduations where the students should have been spanked instead of graduated. They turned what should have been a joyous, civilized event into a near-riot, yelling and screaming at inappropriate times, intruding on tradition and being generally badly behaved. They drank from whiskey bottles hidden beneath their black robes, sprayed champagne on everyone, threw bottles, seat cushions and parts of their clothing. I don’t know why they wanted to ruin so important a day in their lives for themselves and for everyone else and I don’t think the college administration should have stood for it.
    One year I sat for two hours in cap and gown in a steady rain on the raised platform behind President James English as he handed out 516 diplomas and shook 516 wet hands at Trinity College in Hartford,