Not Meeting Mr Right Read Online Free PDF Page B

rather
exacting, was surprised at what I expected in a potential
partner.
    'Based on previous experience, as you have just
heard, sis, I've got to aim high. The more you ask for,
the more you're likely to get, right?'
    'Or the harder you might fall, Missy.' Peta wasn't
convinced.
    When Dannie came back from the loo, Liza read
out my final list of essential selection criteria for the
position of Mr Right, or, as she called it, 'Alice's tenpoint
plan'.
    Essential selection criteria for Mr Right
    1. Must be single, straight and wanting to be in a
relationship
    2. Must be good to his mother and like children
    3. Must love his job (don't want him whingeing
every night about his day)
    4. Must only be addicted to me (not alcohol or
narcotics, and he must not smoke)
    5. Must think I am the most gorgeous woman on
the planet
    6. Must be a non-racist, non-fascist, nonhomophobic
believer in something, preferably
himself
    7. Must be punctual (although I am allowed to be
on Koori time)
    8. Must be romantic and be able to show affection
in public
    9. Must be financially secure and debt-free
(mortgage will be acceptable)
    10. He must be loyal, faithful, sincere, chivalrous,
witty, competent, responsible and a good
communicator (i.e. he must be a good listener)
    'Actually, I'd like to add some non-essential criteria
as well. Just a couple of desirable characteristics that
might help me identify the real potentials.'
    'I'm going to need another drink, then,' said Peta,
and took herself out to the kitchen.
    'I'd like him to be in the property market – or at least
thinking of getting into it. And I don't want anyone with
a criminal record, so don't be lining me up with any of
your clients, Liza, okay?'
    'What about teeth and hair?' Dannie asked cheekily.
    'Well yes, he should have both, and they should be
his own, of course.'
    She wasn't giving up. 'Here's one for you, Al: what if
he's got kids from a previous marriage?'
    'Nup, don't want an instant family either, or stalker
ex-girlfriends, been there with Terry – had to get an
AVO out against them both eventually.'
    'Okay, that's gotta be it now, Alice – you can't
possibly have any more criteria, surely?' I was turning
into one of Liza's more difficult clients.
    'Actually ...' – I admit I was a little embarrassed
to add yet another criterion, but it was important to
me – 'It would help if he were a compatible star sign.'
Aria said that for a harmonious relationship, the
perfect matches for Leos were Tauruses, other Leos,
Scorpios and Capricorns. If I wanted passion – and
what girl didn't? – I should try Aries, Gemini, Libra or
Aquarius, and if I was looking for a challenge, then I
should date Cancerians, Virgos or Pisceans. I wanted
it all – harmony, passion and a challenge – so that just
ruled out Sagittarians, really. I trusted Aria.
    'I think you should stop there, Alice, and move onto
your strategy for meeting this one-in-five-hundred-million
guy. Your so-called Mr Right?' Liza made me
feel like I was in one of those little rooms with the oneway
mirrored windows where they grill baddies on TV.
She was taking it all so seriously. But then, so was I.
    'You mean Mr Unbelievably-Perfect-Needs-To-Be-
Cloned,' Dannie said, shaking her head. She stood up
and headed to the kitchen, where Peta was still busy
making some late-night cocktails.
    Peta was the real party girl of the group. I met her in
the Bachelor of Education course at Sydney's University
of Technology when we were in first year. I went on to
teach and she decided to go into policy making. She
was good at it. She'd never have made a schoolmarm
anyway; she was too effortlessly glamorous for that,
with her trendy clothes, flawless make-up, and about
300 pairs of shoes. Imelda Marcos had nothing on our
Peta. She knew that a career in teaching would never
have allowed her to maintain her elaborate wardrobe. I
was happy with her decision, because I often borrowed
her clothes. Yes, Peta's career in policy