Not Meeting Mr Right Read Online Free PDF

Liza
sat with pen poised.
    'He must be good to his mother and like children –
because clearly they're all going to be around at some
point.'
    'And because there's a good chance that you won't
like his mum or the kids.' Dannie was on a comedy
roll.
    I kept adding to the list. 'I want him to love his job.
Scott used to complain all the time about his work, I
couldn't stand it. He acted like he had no control over
his own happiness there. He was such a bloody victim.'
Liza was writing furiously.
    'I want a man who is only addicted to me.'
    'Your problem, Alice, is that it's always just about
you,' Dannie said. She turned and looked directly at me.
'No addictions? None at all? Who are you going to date,
a bloody priest? Can he drink coffee?'
    'Coffee, yes; beer for breakfast like JC, not on your
life. One alcoholic in my life is one too many. Now fill
me up!' I held out my glass for another drink. Peta did
the honours and we all laughed.
    'I want him to think I'm the most gorgeous woman
on the planet.' The others nodded in agreement: it was
a fair request for any girl to make.
    'And I don't want him to adore me because I'm
Black. I don't want to be someone's "exotic other". Do
you know how David used to introduce me?'
    'How?' they asked in chorus.
    'This is Alice, she's Wiradjuri.'
    'What?'
    'I know, I know, and he'd say it to whitefellas, like I
was some freak. He didn't understand it was different
when I said it, to place myself. That he didn't need to do
it at dinner parties.'
    'So what did you do?'
    'I'd say "This is David, he's my own personal
anthropologist." ' We laughed some more.
    'Anything else for the list, Alice?' Liza was the only
one truly keeping on track.
    'He has to be non-racist, non-fascist and nonhomophobic,
and believe in something, preferably
himself. And, apropos of nothing, he must be punctual.'
    'But you can be on Koori time whenever you want,
right?' Dannie couldn't help herself.
    'That's right,' Peta chipped in.
    'He must be romantic and be comfortable with
showing affection in public, and by that I don't mean
grabbing me on the tit every time he kisses me.'
    'Who did that?' Peta wanted to know.
    'Jason, the young surfer I met down the coast last
New Year's. Every time we kissed he grabbed my left
breast, didn't matter where we were.'
    'Why not your right one?' Peta asked.
    'Left one's slightly bigger. He loved it more,' I said
matter-of-factly. The discussion was getting off track
again, so I brought it back. 'I want a man who is
financially secure and hopefully debt-free.'
    'What about a mortgage?' Liza asked.
    'A mortgage is fine. I just don't want him working
twenty-four/seven to pay off his gambling debts.'
    ' Now who are you outing?' Dannie said. 'You're a
bloody serial dater, Alice.'
    'Grant – remember him? We met at the Leukaemia
Foundation ball. Turned out he backed the horses to
the point where he was working seventy hours a week
to cover his debts. That's not the kind of man I want to
marry. Would anyone?'
    'Depends, was he built?' Peta always managed to
bring it back to basics.
    'Okay, you've got a pretty strong list here, Alice.
Anything else you want to add?' Liza was trying to wrap
up her side of the work. She'd been a very objective
scribe and facilitator.
    'Yes, I want a loyal, faithful, sincere, chivalrous, witty,
competent and responsible man.' I was completely
serious, but Dannie burst into giggles.
    'That's it, then?' Liza asked, almost impatiently.
    'No. Can you add that he should be a good
communicator as well?'
    'You've got to be kidding, Alice. I've never met any man like the one you're looking for,' Dannie said,
marvelling at the long list of criteria I'd come up with.
    'What about George?'
    Dannie squealed with laughter. 'George! That's it,
I'm going to pee myself! You live in a fantasy world
sometimes, Alice.' She got up off the sofa and ran along
the hall to the bathroom.
    'Well, Alice, no-one could accuse you of not aiming
high.' Even Liza, whose standards were generally