Not Looking For Love: Episode 1 Read Online Free PDF Page B

instead. "You should go too."
    "Fine, we can go together," I say. I'm still clutching his hand, though he's let go of mine.  
    "I'll walk you to your car," he says and twists his hand out of my grasp.  
    The car sounds like a good idea. "But there's more room in yours," I blurt out.
    He grabs hold of my shoulders like he's going to shake me but he doesn't. "I'm sorry. This can't happen. It's like I told you before. I need the job."
    "I can get you a job," I stammer. I can't believe he's rejecting me. I'm not Kate pretty, but I'm not hideous either. I work out, my skin is clear, and my teeth are straight. My boobs are just the right size, and one's not bigger than the other.  
    He lets me go and stands up, picking up his backpack. "Are you coming?"
    "No."  
    But I'm on my feet, blood rushing to my head. "What's wrong with me anyway? Why are you being like this? I'm not ugly or fat. And look, my boobs are both the same size. Besides, no one needs to know."
    I grab his hand and smack it against my breast, wincing in pain as his palm slams into my boob. It's like I'm watching myself acting like an insane child, but I can't stop it. Can't be the sensible Gail who never does anything like this.
    He yanks his hand away without touching me. "You seem a little high-strung. Like maybe this is not who you really are."
    Great, now he's getting all perceptive on me. Like he cares. I'm just following my desire, forestalling regret. I definitely liked him better when he was the sexed up, dumb gardener I thought I met this morning. That guy wouldn't chase me away like this, that guy would do me up on the pier.
    "Fine, but you don't know what you're missing," I huff, and walk past him, making sure to run into him as I do. The jolt hurts me more than it affects him I'm sure. I run down the stairs, miss the last step, and tumble into the sand.
    "Are you alright?" he yells after me.
    I pick up shoes and stand up, dusting the sand off my legs. "Ask me that one more time, and I swear!" I yell and run back across the beach, swallowing 'you piece of shit,' because I don't really mean it. Or maybe I do. I don't know anymore. All I know is that he ruined everything. We were so safe up on that pier, so alone. Time didn't move, the world stood still, and there was no sick bed waiting for me back home. And then he fucked it all up.

CHAPTER FOUR

    The next morning is Friday. Kate's ringtone blares through my dream.  
    "What?" I manage before my lips stick back to my teeth. I need more sleep. I'm not even sure if last night on the pier was real or if it was just a nightmare. I'm hoping the latter.
    "Cocktails, that's what!" Kate chirps into the phone. "By my pool, now!" she adds and hangs up the phone.  
    Sand crunches under my feet as I get up to walk to the bathroom. So it wasn't just a nightmare. That's just perfect.  
    I take a long, hot shower, during which Kate calls two more times, but I ignore it. It's only after she calls for the third time, that I realize she's probably going to come up and drag me to her house next. So I reluctantly turn off the water, put on a bathing suit, and drape my silk robe over it. I have no idea what time it is, though by the sun I'm judging it's about noon. I slip on the charm bracelet, put on my flip-flops, and walk to my mom's room. The shades are drawn, and she's breathing, rasping evenly. Asleep. "I'll come see you later, Mom," I whisper into the dark room anyway. "We can finish the movie."
    I grab half a bagel from the counter and chew it slowly as I walk across the lawn. Kate's laughing and talking to someone on the phone, and I hope that it's not Brandon. I glance around the garden, but not too well, since I really don't want to know if Scott's working today.  
    Kate waves me over when she sees me and points to the waiter that he should get me a drink. I recognize him vaguely as the bartender at Dante's, the high-end bar Kate likes to go to. I swallow the last bit of the bagel and lay down on the beach